My admiration is deep
especially after we've been kissing -
while watching you sleep
I realize exactly what I've been missing.
Your eyelids flutter softly
hinting towards the subject of your dreams,
studying your expression
wondering what each movement means.
Matching my breathing
to the rise and fall of your chest,
a further connection
as I slip slowly into silent rest.
My admiration is deep
especially after we've been kissing -
while watching you sleep
I realize exactly what I've been missing.
Spooning your sweetness
enjoying just lying here hushed,
my arms around you
this relaxed state can't be rushed.
At this peaceful hour
when another day is starting new,
our two forms serene
how fortunate am I to be loved by you?
My admiration is deep
especially after we've been kissing -
while watching you sleep
I realize exactly what I've been missing.
11/10/09
10/15/09
Wait ...
Where do I apply?! This position posted on Craigslist sounds perfect.
Personal Assistant needed
Looking for a assistant to help in texting duties -
replies
deleting texts
alerting of new texts
reading texts
filtering text
I get 40 – 50 texts an hour, I cant handle my workload plus texting responsibilities. My phone gets too full and needs deleted every couple hours. This is a full time position and you must be where ever I am at, because my phone is always with me. Serious inquiries only.
* Location: XXXXXXXXX
* Compensation: Full Time – 15.00 hr plus snacks
SNACKS, Y'ALL!
Personal Assistant needed
Looking for a assistant to help in texting duties -
replies
deleting texts
alerting of new texts
reading texts
filtering text
I get 40 – 50 texts an hour, I cant handle my workload plus texting responsibilities. My phone gets too full and needs deleted every couple hours. This is a full time position and you must be where ever I am at, because my phone is always with me. Serious inquiries only.
* Location: XXXXXXXXX
* Compensation: Full Time – 15.00 hr plus snacks
SNACKS, Y'ALL!
10/14/09
Our Union
I consistently have crazy dreams, but lately I've been having ones about getting married or attending a reception or trying on wedding dresses - you know, crazy dreams. I don't know if it's because I've recently seen episodes of "Say Yes to the Dress" or because I've been getting all gooey over romantic poetry lately, but these dreams (or nightmares?) have been happening for the past week or two.
I had another one last night and woke up this morning, thinking about a poem I read yesterday that I really love.
Our union is like this: you feel cold, so I reach for a blanket
to cover our shivering feet.
A hunger comes into your body, so I run to my garden
and start digging up potatoes.
You asked for a few words of guidance, and I quickly kneel
by your side offering you a whole book as a gift.
You ache with loneliness one night so much you weep, and I say
here is a rope, tie it around me, I will be your companion for life.
- Our Union, Hafiz
This doesn't have to necessarily refer to a wedding union, it could be any kind of commitment, really. I just love romantic poetry that isn't all "I'd die for you" all the time. Sigh ... so sweet. These dreams need to stop, I'm giving myself a toothache!
I had another one last night and woke up this morning, thinking about a poem I read yesterday that I really love.
Our union is like this: you feel cold, so I reach for a blanket
to cover our shivering feet.
A hunger comes into your body, so I run to my garden
and start digging up potatoes.
You asked for a few words of guidance, and I quickly kneel
by your side offering you a whole book as a gift.
You ache with loneliness one night so much you weep, and I say
here is a rope, tie it around me, I will be your companion for life.
- Our Union, Hafiz
This doesn't have to necessarily refer to a wedding union, it could be any kind of commitment, really. I just love romantic poetry that isn't all "I'd die for you" all the time. Sigh ... so sweet. These dreams need to stop, I'm giving myself a toothache!
10/12/09
The Times
"The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'."
- Bob Dylan
One more week. The times, they are a-changin'.
10/2/09
Shut Up, Early Bird
I'm not a morning person. Never have been. Some people apparently find this very offensive and take it personally.
This morning I was walking into the Starbucks near my house for their crack-cocaine house blend because the watered down swill at work just wasn't going to cut it. I go to pull the door open at the exact moment some guy went to pull it as well. We did that awkward 'no, you go ahead' dance with each other for a few seconds until I just went for it again. Surprisingly, we pulled it simultaneously for a second time. I then realized he was playing a game. How? This 40-something year old man peeked through the posters plastered on the door and stuck his tongue out at me, in a 'tee hee hee' sort of way. Like a child. A child that has severely underestimated my decaffeinated patience in the morning. I'm sure he could see how unamused I was (I wasn't hiding my annoyance), so his face fell and he opened the door to leave, breezing past me saying, "some people just don't know how to have fun". What?! That rude little remark made me want to kick him in the shins until he retracted it.
You see, I've been lacking in sleep this entire week. Last night, I took a three hour nap after work and was still tired when I finally went to bed around midnight. Then, the trolley started honking at 2:16 am. Why was the trolley honking? I have no idea. The trolley never honks, even when it's running in the day time. I've barely ever heard more than a little beep from it. Walking to my car this morning I realized all the midnight activity was Oktoberfest being set up in downtown La Mesa, which meant I had to drive around an entire part of town to get on the freeway. I was annoyed before I even got to Starbucks and met my fun-loving friend. I was exhausted. It was 6:30 in the morning. He had already consumed his energy-enhancing beverage, I had not. Hey, rude Starbucks guy, you need to take all of these variables into consideration before claiming I don't know how to do something.
Bottom line - shut up, stupid early bird. I totally know how to have fun. You don't know me! You don't know my life!
This morning I was walking into the Starbucks near my house for their crack-cocaine house blend because the watered down swill at work just wasn't going to cut it. I go to pull the door open at the exact moment some guy went to pull it as well. We did that awkward 'no, you go ahead' dance with each other for a few seconds until I just went for it again. Surprisingly, we pulled it simultaneously for a second time. I then realized he was playing a game. How? This 40-something year old man peeked through the posters plastered on the door and stuck his tongue out at me, in a 'tee hee hee' sort of way. Like a child. A child that has severely underestimated my decaffeinated patience in the morning. I'm sure he could see how unamused I was (I wasn't hiding my annoyance), so his face fell and he opened the door to leave, breezing past me saying, "some people just don't know how to have fun". What?! That rude little remark made me want to kick him in the shins until he retracted it.
You see, I've been lacking in sleep this entire week. Last night, I took a three hour nap after work and was still tired when I finally went to bed around midnight. Then, the trolley started honking at 2:16 am. Why was the trolley honking? I have no idea. The trolley never honks, even when it's running in the day time. I've barely ever heard more than a little beep from it. Walking to my car this morning I realized all the midnight activity was Oktoberfest being set up in downtown La Mesa, which meant I had to drive around an entire part of town to get on the freeway. I was annoyed before I even got to Starbucks and met my fun-loving friend. I was exhausted. It was 6:30 in the morning. He had already consumed his energy-enhancing beverage, I had not. Hey, rude Starbucks guy, you need to take all of these variables into consideration before claiming I don't know how to do something.
Bottom line - shut up, stupid early bird. I totally know how to have fun. You don't know me! You don't know my life!
10/1/09
Heroes
Sometimes it's difficult for me to deviate away from the pop culture frame of mind, where the word 'hero' produces images of fan favorites from today's popular comic books, all bulging muscles and primary colored costumes. But after I wake up from dreaming about Christian Bale in a Batman suit, I remember that super heroes have a lot in common with the day-to-day champions we know and admire. Real life heroes are people that do super things - athletes that accomplish amazing physical feats, volunteers that make great contributions to their causes, people with in the community who make a difference - even the ordinary looking guy, waiting in line to order coffee.
The other morning I was running late for work and waited impatiently in the Starbucks drive-thru for my coffee. After what seemed like forever, the stress from facing impending traffic on the 8 made me snap at the barista when I finally reached the window. She handed me my double-tall-nonfat-whatever and instead of telling me my total, she asked if I would like to 'pay it forward'. Pay it forward? Uh, like the movie? I was confused, but correct. According to her, the first person who came for coffee that morning asked if they could pay it forward by buying the next customer's drink and so on, asking her only to pass on the message ... and to her surprise, it worked! For each El Cajon & 68th Starbucks patron that went through the drive-thru that morning, their coffee was already paid for. Instead of hearing a total at the window, they got their beverage for free and were asked to continue the trend. I was around the twentieth person to reach the window ... and I did pay it forward. I drove to work that morning so touched from that small act of kindness, I hardly even noticed the traffic.
It's hard for me to label any one person in my life a hero because I find inspiration in so many. While some people admire physical strength and others idolize high IQs, one thing I believe all heroes have in common is their ability to inspire. That illuminated Starbucks patron, a determined barista and every coffee drinker that paid it forward that day, did exactly that for me. As a society, we are capable of doing the most terrible things imaginable, but that isn't all we can do. We have the ability to love. We have the sense to be patient, compassionate and understanding. We have the resources to help those around us, even if we don't get anything in return. You may think that your actions, good and bad, are minuscule and unimportant, but they most certainly are not. You can light the match that ignites the fire of change by doing something small each day to make this world a better place. Due to this simple philosophy, supported by a small, unremarkable act of kindness, humanity itself is the 'hero' in my life because it inspires the hero in me.
The other morning I was running late for work and waited impatiently in the Starbucks drive-thru for my coffee. After what seemed like forever, the stress from facing impending traffic on the 8 made me snap at the barista when I finally reached the window. She handed me my double-tall-nonfat-whatever and instead of telling me my total, she asked if I would like to 'pay it forward'. Pay it forward? Uh, like the movie? I was confused, but correct. According to her, the first person who came for coffee that morning asked if they could pay it forward by buying the next customer's drink and so on, asking her only to pass on the message ... and to her surprise, it worked! For each El Cajon & 68th Starbucks patron that went through the drive-thru that morning, their coffee was already paid for. Instead of hearing a total at the window, they got their beverage for free and were asked to continue the trend. I was around the twentieth person to reach the window ... and I did pay it forward. I drove to work that morning so touched from that small act of kindness, I hardly even noticed the traffic.
It's hard for me to label any one person in my life a hero because I find inspiration in so many. While some people admire physical strength and others idolize high IQs, one thing I believe all heroes have in common is their ability to inspire. That illuminated Starbucks patron, a determined barista and every coffee drinker that paid it forward that day, did exactly that for me. As a society, we are capable of doing the most terrible things imaginable, but that isn't all we can do. We have the ability to love. We have the sense to be patient, compassionate and understanding. We have the resources to help those around us, even if we don't get anything in return. You may think that your actions, good and bad, are minuscule and unimportant, but they most certainly are not. You can light the match that ignites the fire of change by doing something small each day to make this world a better place. Due to this simple philosophy, supported by a small, unremarkable act of kindness, humanity itself is the 'hero' in my life because it inspires the hero in me.
9/24/09
Condolences
I am so sorry for your loss, Crockett. You and your family are in my thoughts during this difficult time.
9/22/09
Proof
The wearing of prescription lenses is not directly related to the intelligence of the individual wearing them.
Here is proof. Poser!
Here is proof. Poser!
9/18/09
En Vogue
Earlier today Snuggie and Fashion Week collided, as the sleeved blankets took the runway at the Snuggie fall 2009/winter 2010 collection show. The invite read that it would "showcase the latest colors, fabrics and patterns" and feature "the sexiest looks in blanket-wear," for not only adults, but kids and canines as well.
How did Snuggie even get invited to Fashion Week? How can their as-seen-on-TV budget even afford to produce a show? Only 12 people were in attendance to absorb the hot new looks, which is 12 people too many.
9/17/09
Lady Gag Me
Lady Gaga freaks me out. People might think she isn't as weird as she portrays herself to be out in public, but I think she is. People might say her fashion choices are cries for attention, but I think she dresses like that because she knows it gives me nightmares.
This looks like a demon from the movie, Mirrormask, which is no coincidence as it is a Jim Henson production and we all know how much she enjoys slaughtering Muppets.
Kermit never hurt anyone. You destroyed the only frog on the planet who could pull off a banjo version of 'Rainbow Connection' with Blondie. I hope you're proud of yourself.
Ah, I see that you had to get rid of all witnesses to your Kermit crime. Apparently, Animal had to go. Possibly one of the greatest percussionists of our time. How dare you deprive the world of actual creative talent only to replace it with ... you.
If only this were a reality, you bound and gagged in a basement somewhere left to rot, and not an outfit inspired by The Cell. If only.
You are creepy, Lady Gaga. I don't like you. I know you can faux pas all by yourself, but I can't hold you accountable for all of your retard antics. After all, you are friends with Kanye.
This looks like a demon from the movie, Mirrormask, which is no coincidence as it is a Jim Henson production and we all know how much she enjoys slaughtering Muppets.
Kermit never hurt anyone. You destroyed the only frog on the planet who could pull off a banjo version of 'Rainbow Connection' with Blondie. I hope you're proud of yourself.
Ah, I see that you had to get rid of all witnesses to your Kermit crime. Apparently, Animal had to go. Possibly one of the greatest percussionists of our time. How dare you deprive the world of actual creative talent only to replace it with ... you.
If only this were a reality, you bound and gagged in a basement somewhere left to rot, and not an outfit inspired by The Cell. If only.
You are creepy, Lady Gaga. I don't like you. I know you can faux pas all by yourself, but I can't hold you accountable for all of your retard antics. After all, you are friends with Kanye.
9/16/09
Bucket List
Last night I was sorting through a stack of half-filled notebooks and I found the bucket list I started a while ago. Now, it's not very thorough or detailed, but it does include some major things I must do before I kick it. I have a few more to add, but for now I'm comfortable with this outline for my future.
1. Skydive/ hang glide/ bungee jump
2. Travel (refer to Wonders of the World list attached)
3. Be animated into a cartoon character
4. Read the great American novels (refer to list attached)
5. Save a life/ bring someone back to life
6. Learn to read Braille
7. Publish something
8. Become a licensed pilot
9. Build/ help build a house
10. Get married
11. Give birth
12. Body paint
13. Own a gun
14. Become a great-grandparent
15. Learn to salsa dance
16. Write my eulogy
17. Become trilingual
18. Shave my head
19. Get lasik surgery
20. Learn to play the piano
21. Compose something
22. Research another religion
23. Study my genealogy
24. Volunteer in a foreign country
25. Invent something/ secure a patent
26. Participate in a marathon/ triathlon
27. Pose nude
28. Have 6-pack abs
29. Own land
30. Become/ obtain a muse
31. Create a secret recipe
32. Get over my fear of the deep ocean
33. Be good at yoga
34. Challenge someone to a duel
35. Slap someone across the face with a fish
Hmm, I've actually already accomplished, or semi-accomplished some of these ... I'm on my way (but hopefully not too soon)!
1. Skydive/ hang glide/ bungee jump
2. Travel (refer to Wonders of the World list attached)
3. Be animated into a cartoon character
4. Read the great American novels (refer to list attached)
5. Save a life/ bring someone back to life
6. Learn to read Braille
7. Publish something
8. Become a licensed pilot
9. Build/ help build a house
10. Get married
11. Give birth
12. Body paint
13. Own a gun
14. Become a great-grandparent
15. Learn to salsa dance
16. Write my eulogy
17. Become trilingual
18. Shave my head
19. Get lasik surgery
20. Learn to play the piano
21. Compose something
22. Research another religion
23. Study my genealogy
24. Volunteer in a foreign country
25. Invent something/ secure a patent
26. Participate in a marathon/ triathlon
27. Pose nude
28. Have 6-pack abs
29. Own land
30. Become/ obtain a muse
31. Create a secret recipe
32. Get over my fear of the deep ocean
33. Be good at yoga
34. Challenge someone to a duel
35. Slap someone across the face with a fish
Hmm, I've actually already accomplished, or semi-accomplished some of these ... I'm on my way (but hopefully not too soon)!
9/14/09
Remix
She must love the sun
he must love the sea,
I'm thinking "who are you?"
you're thinking "who are we?"
he must love the sea,
I'm thinking "who are you?"
you're thinking "who are we?"
8/27/09
Lucky's New Legs
Lucky, a box turtle from Petaluma, California, hangs out with his girlfriend Lovey. Lucky uses furniture sliders under his shell after his front legs were bitten off by a racoon.
I have never wanted a turtle, THIS turtle, more in my life than I do right now ...
8/25/09
8/20/09
Choose Your Love
Some say there are only two kinds of people in this world, the happy ones who do what they love and the unhappy ones who don’t. I believe in a third category, one that holds those who don’t do what they love because they have no idea what that actually is. I place myself in this third category, not only because I don’t completely know what I want in life, but also because I haven’t figured out how to effectively pursue it while still meeting my responsibilities.
For the past few years, I’ve worked full time during the day and attended college part time at night. It’s been challenging, to get through such long days and to take four years to earn a two year degree, but that choice was the right one for me at the time. I was recently accepted to a four year university and forced to face a new and difficult decision - do I stay at a job that I don’t necessarily like or do I leave it behind to attend school and face a financially uncertain future?
I am a go-getter. I reach my goals, go the extra mile and always want more. So, the choice literally came down to - do I wait or do I go? Sometimes I imagine my conscience speaks to me like the incomparable Dr. Seuss and in this particular situation, excerpts from Oh, the Places You’ll Go matched each query I had.
In regards to my current position, a pointless but lucrative purgatory …“The Waiting Place … for people just waiting. Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow, or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.” In response to staying at my job, something I need but don’t love …“No! That’s not for you! Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!” In reaction to wandering into the unknown, possibly failing … “And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.) Kid, you’ll move mountains! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So …get on your way!”
Ultimately, life is a never ending personal quest to discover what really matters. It is the pursuit to realize a dream, the achievement of a goal, and the experience of being devoted to something. Life is about passion, learning, growth and emotion and by finally understanding that, I was able to discover how to do what I love. That by bettering my self through higher education in order to pursue a career I care about, I put my self into the category where I’m one of the happy people. So, with a fox or in a box, on a train or in the rain …do whatever it is you love.
For the past few years, I’ve worked full time during the day and attended college part time at night. It’s been challenging, to get through such long days and to take four years to earn a two year degree, but that choice was the right one for me at the time. I was recently accepted to a four year university and forced to face a new and difficult decision - do I stay at a job that I don’t necessarily like or do I leave it behind to attend school and face a financially uncertain future?
I am a go-getter. I reach my goals, go the extra mile and always want more. So, the choice literally came down to - do I wait or do I go? Sometimes I imagine my conscience speaks to me like the incomparable Dr. Seuss and in this particular situation, excerpts from Oh, the Places You’ll Go matched each query I had.
In regards to my current position, a pointless but lucrative purgatory …“The Waiting Place … for people just waiting. Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow, or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.” In response to staying at my job, something I need but don’t love …“No! That’s not for you! Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!” In reaction to wandering into the unknown, possibly failing … “And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.) Kid, you’ll move mountains! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So …get on your way!”
Ultimately, life is a never ending personal quest to discover what really matters. It is the pursuit to realize a dream, the achievement of a goal, and the experience of being devoted to something. Life is about passion, learning, growth and emotion and by finally understanding that, I was able to discover how to do what I love. That by bettering my self through higher education in order to pursue a career I care about, I put my self into the category where I’m one of the happy people. So, with a fox or in a box, on a train or in the rain …do whatever it is you love.
8/17/09
Last Straw, Brain
This past week, I took an amazing trip up the coast to northern California. I had a great time enjoying the beautiful scenery and being out in nature, away from the hustle and bustle of life in San Diego. After a relaxing day, I drifted off to sleep in a little tent between giant redwoods ... until I woke up crying. Crying! And from a dream! I have such a weird imagination.
Anyway, the situation was this - I was driving way too fast, trying to get onto the freeway next to my old church. I was driving my ex-boyfriend's car and couldn't slow it down. I remember I tried to swerve the car around the SUV in front of me so I wouldn't hit it, but ended up just loosing control. I knew I was going to hit the car going at least 80 miles an hour. I knew I was going to die. I shut my eyes tight and shouted out loud, "I don't want to feel it. Please don't let me feel it." over and over again to myself. I don't know who I was talking to, but apparently it worked. As my eyes were closed, I remember the rush of the wind, the resistance of the other car as I skidded underneath it and the anxious, prickly feeling after I felt myself come to a complete stop. I didn't want to open my eyes. I didn't want to know what happened or how everything looked or what to do next. I was sure I was dead.
Slowly, I allowed my eyelids to separate and take in my surroundings. My car was scrunched underneath the SUV that had previously been in front of me on the shoulder. There were about 7 or more other totaled vehicles near it too. At this point, I was second guessing my living status. Was I really dead? I saw a few others wandering around the crash site, but couldn't see any obvious signs of fatal trauma. I could feel that something was wrong with me, but I wouldn't allow myself to look down at my body. I didn't want to confirm my suspicions. I approached a few of the other people who had started to congregate under a bridge and noticed that some were random people I had gone to high school with and the rest were from my old church. Thinking we were the survivors of a horrible accident, I decided it would be okay to look down at my body. Bad choice. I was covered, head to toe, in road rash. It was so real. I had no skin left, my exposed muscle was oozing bloody body fluid and the white of bone strained through at a few places. I wanted to vomit. I literally felt sick.
After realizing the state my body was in, I didn't understand how I could be alive. Why didn't I feel anything? Why isn't anyone reacting to my grotesque appearance? I had to be dead. All I could think about was who would take care of my house, my school stuff, my car. Who would be notified first? Who would take care of my debt? I didn't want to be a burden to anyone. I remember thinking my parents would be angry I died without apologizing to them for our latest disagreement. All of these things were rushing through my mind and then, I saw my brother walk up and join the group. Oh no. Oh no, I don't like this. What in the hell was he doing here?! Was he involved in the accident or was he here to take me to the hospital? I didn't register that he was dead as well until he turned around and I saw the 12 inch piece of shrapnel sticking out of his neck. I think this is when I started crying while I was asleep. Really? Two family members in the same accident? We were driving separately to different destinations and still ended up meeting our end simultaneously? What was my family going to do? My poor parents, my poor little sister. Would we have a joint funeral? Who would be there? It was way too much for me to comprehend.
Eventually, our group of about 15 dead people/ spirits/ whatever made our way over to one of the bathrooms of my old church. As we were walking up the street to the building, I kept hearing someone yelling numbers. "Group 733! Group # 733!" I asked one of the women in the group that I used to go to church with what that meant. She said that each group would be called so we would know where to go next. I remember knowing that it wasn't time to be divinely judged and we weren't on our way to a final destination. We were waiting to receive some sort of order, like the military or something. Still sobbing, eyes focused on my brother, I sat on the cold tile floor of the bathroom trying not to think about my road rash and listening for our number to be called.
Freezing forest air combined with my wet face woke me up that morning. I felt weak, like my body had been tense all night and my eyes were puffy from crying for a good amount of time. I don't like these kind of dreams. It was too real and too horrible. Even though it happened last week, I'm still really creeped out by it. I'm hoping I don't have one like it again anytime soon.
Anyway, the situation was this - I was driving way too fast, trying to get onto the freeway next to my old church. I was driving my ex-boyfriend's car and couldn't slow it down. I remember I tried to swerve the car around the SUV in front of me so I wouldn't hit it, but ended up just loosing control. I knew I was going to hit the car going at least 80 miles an hour. I knew I was going to die. I shut my eyes tight and shouted out loud, "I don't want to feel it. Please don't let me feel it." over and over again to myself. I don't know who I was talking to, but apparently it worked. As my eyes were closed, I remember the rush of the wind, the resistance of the other car as I skidded underneath it and the anxious, prickly feeling after I felt myself come to a complete stop. I didn't want to open my eyes. I didn't want to know what happened or how everything looked or what to do next. I was sure I was dead.
Slowly, I allowed my eyelids to separate and take in my surroundings. My car was scrunched underneath the SUV that had previously been in front of me on the shoulder. There were about 7 or more other totaled vehicles near it too. At this point, I was second guessing my living status. Was I really dead? I saw a few others wandering around the crash site, but couldn't see any obvious signs of fatal trauma. I could feel that something was wrong with me, but I wouldn't allow myself to look down at my body. I didn't want to confirm my suspicions. I approached a few of the other people who had started to congregate under a bridge and noticed that some were random people I had gone to high school with and the rest were from my old church. Thinking we were the survivors of a horrible accident, I decided it would be okay to look down at my body. Bad choice. I was covered, head to toe, in road rash. It was so real. I had no skin left, my exposed muscle was oozing bloody body fluid and the white of bone strained through at a few places. I wanted to vomit. I literally felt sick.
After realizing the state my body was in, I didn't understand how I could be alive. Why didn't I feel anything? Why isn't anyone reacting to my grotesque appearance? I had to be dead. All I could think about was who would take care of my house, my school stuff, my car. Who would be notified first? Who would take care of my debt? I didn't want to be a burden to anyone. I remember thinking my parents would be angry I died without apologizing to them for our latest disagreement. All of these things were rushing through my mind and then, I saw my brother walk up and join the group. Oh no. Oh no, I don't like this. What in the hell was he doing here?! Was he involved in the accident or was he here to take me to the hospital? I didn't register that he was dead as well until he turned around and I saw the 12 inch piece of shrapnel sticking out of his neck. I think this is when I started crying while I was asleep. Really? Two family members in the same accident? We were driving separately to different destinations and still ended up meeting our end simultaneously? What was my family going to do? My poor parents, my poor little sister. Would we have a joint funeral? Who would be there? It was way too much for me to comprehend.
Eventually, our group of about 15 dead people/ spirits/ whatever made our way over to one of the bathrooms of my old church. As we were walking up the street to the building, I kept hearing someone yelling numbers. "Group 733! Group # 733!" I asked one of the women in the group that I used to go to church with what that meant. She said that each group would be called so we would know where to go next. I remember knowing that it wasn't time to be divinely judged and we weren't on our way to a final destination. We were waiting to receive some sort of order, like the military or something. Still sobbing, eyes focused on my brother, I sat on the cold tile floor of the bathroom trying not to think about my road rash and listening for our number to be called.
Freezing forest air combined with my wet face woke me up that morning. I felt weak, like my body had been tense all night and my eyes were puffy from crying for a good amount of time. I don't like these kind of dreams. It was too real and too horrible. Even though it happened last week, I'm still really creeped out by it. I'm hoping I don't have one like it again anytime soon.
8/16/09
Resurrection
I remember the death
of her past filled with hurt,
a soul set on fire
made way for rebirth.
Her eyes bright and kind
despite all they've seen,
soft wrinkles around them
hint to where she's been.
If you could just see it
you could understand,
a feeling impossible to quit
or barely comprehend.
Her smile slightly crooked
beautiful just the same,
wakes up every room
living up to her name.
Her hands feel like paper
folded many times,
a magnificent story
is told through those lines.
If you could just see it
you could understand,
a feeling impossible to quit
or barely comprehend.
Her heart full of joy
from the right kind of wrong,
the lessons she's learned
have made her this strong.
I remember the birth
of her life filled with light,
and to know she is you
makes everything right.
If you could just see it
you could understand,
a feeling impossible to quit
or barely understand.
of her past filled with hurt,
a soul set on fire
made way for rebirth.
Her eyes bright and kind
despite all they've seen,
soft wrinkles around them
hint to where she's been.
If you could just see it
you could understand,
a feeling impossible to quit
or barely comprehend.
Her smile slightly crooked
beautiful just the same,
wakes up every room
living up to her name.
Her hands feel like paper
folded many times,
a magnificent story
is told through those lines.
If you could just see it
you could understand,
a feeling impossible to quit
or barely comprehend.
Her heart full of joy
from the right kind of wrong,
the lessons she's learned
have made her this strong.
I remember the birth
of her life filled with light,
and to know she is you
makes everything right.
If you could just see it
you could understand,
a feeling impossible to quit
or barely understand.
8/6/09
F U, Penguin
This site is hilarious and sad at the same time. The premise of the blog is to "tell cute animals what's what". Just look at how much he hates lobster-pugs!
Lobsters Never Get It Right
Hey Lobster, what the f*** are you doing in that person's apartment? GET BACK IN THE WATER WHERE YOU BELONG. And stop looking so sad, you f***ing killjoy, this was your one opportunity to be cute and you blew it. It's got to be hard, being one step away from a cockroach, and I see you are trying to make me love you, I do. But it's not working AT ALL, Lobster, so stop acting like a dog and start twinkle-toeing around in that weird lobster way so I can get creeped out because I don't know which way you are going to move. And for God's sake, Lobster, get yourself ironed. You look like a total slob.
And look, he also hates frogs, almost as much as lobster-pugs!
I'm On To You, You Smug Son Of A Bitch
What did you f***ing do? I can't possibly imagine that you could plan something so complex as to be this f***ing proud of yourself, Frog. Animals aren't supposed to be proud of themselves, you are just supposed to hop around, eat some food, and hope a nice lady frog pays attention to you. WHAT HAPPENED TO HUMILITY, FROG? I would be willing to bet whatever you think your scheme is going to accomplish will not work. This is the real world, Frog, the big time. So unless you are in an 80s action movie with a British accent, I need you to hop back into the water and go make some tadpoles and stop acting like you just went through metamorphosis for the first time in history or something.
And here we have an even stronger hate of poultry ...
What Is Even Going On Here?
Here we go. The silky f***ing hen. What is this thing thinking when it goes outside every day? It's like David Bowie meets Tim Burton meets Colonel Sanders. Did you just step out into the light after a night of clubbing? CHICKENS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO COCAINE, SILKY HEN. I'm just going to be honest: I'm terrified of you. I don't know if it's the pom-pom specifically or just that I didn't know it was possible to get whites that white, but something about your look says "I'm coming to steal your dreams." So stay away from me, you dream-stealing poultry devil.
So mean! But I can't stop laughing. I'm totally going to Hell.
Lobsters Never Get It Right
Hey Lobster, what the f*** are you doing in that person's apartment? GET BACK IN THE WATER WHERE YOU BELONG. And stop looking so sad, you f***ing killjoy, this was your one opportunity to be cute and you blew it. It's got to be hard, being one step away from a cockroach, and I see you are trying to make me love you, I do. But it's not working AT ALL, Lobster, so stop acting like a dog and start twinkle-toeing around in that weird lobster way so I can get creeped out because I don't know which way you are going to move. And for God's sake, Lobster, get yourself ironed. You look like a total slob.
And look, he also hates frogs, almost as much as lobster-pugs!
I'm On To You, You Smug Son Of A Bitch
What did you f***ing do? I can't possibly imagine that you could plan something so complex as to be this f***ing proud of yourself, Frog. Animals aren't supposed to be proud of themselves, you are just supposed to hop around, eat some food, and hope a nice lady frog pays attention to you. WHAT HAPPENED TO HUMILITY, FROG? I would be willing to bet whatever you think your scheme is going to accomplish will not work. This is the real world, Frog, the big time. So unless you are in an 80s action movie with a British accent, I need you to hop back into the water and go make some tadpoles and stop acting like you just went through metamorphosis for the first time in history or something.
And here we have an even stronger hate of poultry ...
What Is Even Going On Here?
Here we go. The silky f***ing hen. What is this thing thinking when it goes outside every day? It's like David Bowie meets Tim Burton meets Colonel Sanders. Did you just step out into the light after a night of clubbing? CHICKENS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO COCAINE, SILKY HEN. I'm just going to be honest: I'm terrified of you. I don't know if it's the pom-pom specifically or just that I didn't know it was possible to get whites that white, but something about your look says "I'm coming to steal your dreams." So stay away from me, you dream-stealing poultry devil.
So mean! But I can't stop laughing. I'm totally going to Hell.
The Devil's Dictionary
The Devil's Dictionary is based on newspaper articles written by journalist Ambrose Bierce and published in 1911. Originally entitled, The Cynic's Word Book, this notorious work was addressed to "enlightened souls who prefer dry wines to sweet, sense to sentiment, wit to humour and clean English to slang".
In other words, it was dedicated to me. A clear-headed, satire-loving enforcer of proper spelling and grammar with a disdain for chardonnay.
One of my goals this week is to use each of the following words and definitions at least once in casual conversation so I can feel ridiculously overqualified talking to anyone but myself.
Acquaintance - A person whom we know well enough to borrow from , but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.
Admiration - Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Backbite - To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.
Benevolence - Subscribing five dollars towards the relief of one's aged grandfather in the almshouse, and publishing it in the newspaper.
Bore - A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
History - An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.
Opportunity - A favourable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
Pessimism - A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.
Ponderous - British jokes.
Positive - Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Zeal - A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.
Indubitable! Cheers to being better than you idiots!
In other words, it was dedicated to me. A clear-headed, satire-loving enforcer of proper spelling and grammar with a disdain for chardonnay.
One of my goals this week is to use each of the following words and definitions at least once in casual conversation so I can feel ridiculously overqualified talking to anyone but myself.
Acquaintance - A person whom we know well enough to borrow from , but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.
Admiration - Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Backbite - To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.
Benevolence - Subscribing five dollars towards the relief of one's aged grandfather in the almshouse, and publishing it in the newspaper.
Bore - A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
History - An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.
Opportunity - A favourable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
Pessimism - A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.
Ponderous - British jokes.
Positive - Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Zeal - A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.
Indubitable! Cheers to being better than you idiots!
8/3/09
Some Meaning
It started as a thought
and grew into a wild hope,
transformed into a realized dream
then established as your new reality.
and grew into a wild hope,
transformed into a realized dream
then established as your new reality.
Wednesday
... is Business Time ...
Oh, you don't know what you're doing to me.
I remove my jeans but trip over them cause I still got my shoes on.
But I turn it into a sexy dance.
Next thing you know I'm down to just my socks and you know when I'm down to just my socks what time it is, it's time for business.
It's business time.
Also known as, BOOM BOOM SEXY TIME!
This is like the baked goods version of the come-hither eyebrow raise. But better. Cause there's cake after.
BEST CAKE EVER.
Oh, you don't know what you're doing to me.
I remove my jeans but trip over them cause I still got my shoes on.
But I turn it into a sexy dance.
Next thing you know I'm down to just my socks and you know when I'm down to just my socks what time it is, it's time for business.
It's business time.
Also known as, BOOM BOOM SEXY TIME!
This is like the baked goods version of the come-hither eyebrow raise. But better. Cause there's cake after.
BEST CAKE EVER.
7/31/09
You Suck at Craigslist
People post the most random things on Craigslist. Some are even borderline insane! I don't know what crazy Craigslist language this is, but I like it. Just look at this weirdness! What is it even for?
By the way, who is 'foodpeeple'? Sounds a bit disturbing, in a soylent green sort of way ...
Hasings a Wanting: Varg Doll
----------------------------------------------
Here is foodpeeple
Has wants of these here mans:
A ONE Varg doll from the Burzum. BUT and here and exclusive to here is CATCH: must have approvings for the from Varg himselfed.Tragedy happen: last Varg doll purchse?//? MOUNTAIN DUDE BOTTLE EXTRAED WITH DOGHAIRED STAPLED ONAND ALSO THIS VARGHEAD TAPE ON IT!11!!
Serioused reply to thanks
thanksed to you mans
- foodpeeple
By the way, who is 'foodpeeple'? Sounds a bit disturbing, in a soylent green sort of way ...
for the tradsings: SoupsPart of me really, really wants to understand this. Part of me actually DOES understand this. Most of me just hears Gollum.
------------------------------------------------
has much cans and wantings for to then fills up with a soups mans?//? EMPTY CANS HASING YOU DOWN???//??
Here my pitch: I soup thems ups!11!! Not like SOUP UP the racercar SOUPS UPS with pouring of CHICKENWATER11!!!!
I can make these thing happen at you
is so easy mans
thanksed
- foodpeeple
Weekly Shudder
This week: Glamour Shots have officially reached a new level of creepy. Gorton's Fisherman meets Ovation Cell Therapy meets L.A. Ink meets Sunday on the green meets 7-11 Slurpee ... plus, LITTLE TEETH! AHHH!
7/23/09
Blog-chievement!
Yes folks, this is the 100th update posted on my little piece of cyberspace. Can you believe it? Seems like it was just yesterday when I didn't know if I wanted to buy into all this posting to no one in particular/ n00b nonsense ... but now, I couldn't live without this collection of random thoughts.
In celebration of this momentous occasion, I was thinking a list was in order. But about what? My favorite things? Characteristics of me? I can't think of anything more boring or less appropriate. So ... in honor of you, my dearest blog, the following list of reflections (according to each previous post) is dedicated to you!
1. A new year, a new endeavor ... Project Blog is GO!
2. Skeptical about coming up with enough interesting ideas, I originally planned to rely on things I'd already written before the birth of blog.
3. Pay it forward. A simple lesson I learned first hand.
4. Listen to your friends, some of them know what they are talking about.
5. Calculating my Emo percentage was one of the most interesting/ depressing conversations I've had with myself.
6. The newspaper never ceases to amuse me. Especially with stories about poop.
7. I love Andy Samberg. The end.
8. Sometimes I realize I am a subconscious student of myself. Man, I'm slow.
9. The best way to make a difference is to think outside yourself.
10. Lyrics consistently inspire me. I aspire to write half as well as my favorite poets one day.
11. My camera is my constant companion and has more than paid for itself with the countless memories it's captured, for me to cherish always.
12. I love all things random. If I were a fan of perfume, I would smell like random, but in a good way.
13. I don't like being set up. Also, there really is such a thing as a stupid question.
14. When you can match your self love to your self hate, you know you're doing okay.
15. First, I love Etsy. Second, mustaches are hilarious.
16. White nylons should be banned in all 50 states.
17. Sometimes I worry that my subconscious is more interesting than conscious self.
18. Married to the Sea, by Natalie Dee speaks to my character.
19. When I know what I'm talking about (or think I do), I'm easily frustrated when others don't believe me. This might explain why I was never on the debate team ...
20. I am very attached to the selections of San Diego I know and look forward to permeating all other parts of it.
21. It was touch and go there for a while, luckily blog pulled through. What a trooper.
22. Until this year, Valentine's Day was never very special to me. It still doesn't deserve the hype.
23. I over think things.
24. I love my brother. He is one of the strongest people I know.
25. I have a creepy psyche and would understand if you didn't want to be friends anymore.
26. Obsessed!
27. Some days are just determined to start annoyingly.
28. In certain situations, it's hard to decide between a high-five or face slap in response to the ideas of some people.
29. Spellcheck!
30. Growing up is worse than growing old. I hope I never grow up.
31. Glamour Shots at their finest!
32. Love, it taught me to lie. And finally let go.
33. La Mesa hot spots are an acquired taste and even then, there's no 'A' in the window.
34. Whee, I love lists!
35. Many things in my life would be easier if I believed in myself a little more.
36. Dr. Seuss is indirectly responsible for the person I am today.
37. One of the scariest things ever is realizing you may not have been right all along.
38. PMS is a SOB.
39. I can only hope my final resting place will be more educational and less boring than yours.
40. Cartoons in real life.
41. Everything I don't know is a lot.
42. In the war of the multipurpose warming devices, who will win?
43. The body, and it's incredible sensory abilities, make life worth experiencing.
44. Heroes come in unexpected packages.
45. Ugly knows no era. Prehistoric, current ... it thrives.
46. The purpose of life is a life of purpose.
47. I have been in school for what seems like 200 years. I'm always looking for ways to make it more interesting.
48. Stickin' it to the man. Yeeeah.
49. Sometimes I get really nervous about how others see me. Lame!
50. I have some strange habits. I don't know if I should alert others to their existence or not.
51. Unexpecting something pleasant is a thrill I'd never experienced until recently.
52. I like to wonder about what I could be outside of this society.
53. I'm hopelessly neurotic and my life is unfortunately governed my by stress level. Help!
54. Gold teeth = automatic membership to Thug, Inc. Even if you're a ginger.
55. I don't think I'll ever be a good photographer, but I appreciate the art of it just the same.
56. Realize what matters. It will save you a lot of heartache.
57. My resistance to Star Wars themed baked goods is futile.
58. Sometimes, I worry too much about how I'm going to scar my children to really want any.
59. Teenage Mutant Ninja Nightmare!
60. A day in the life of yours truly seems way more interesting when rhyming is involved.
61. My diet sometimes includes things that may or may not actually be edible.
62. I'm sorry I can't rise to the occasions you have already RSVP-ed me for.
63. Right now, at this moment, I'm the happiest I've been in a long time and so grateful for it.
64. Who am I?
65. Reality shows are a waste of matter.
66. I was taught to bring flowers for the hostess. I was taught to put my napkin on my lap. I was taught to send a card for special occasions. But, I wasn't taught what the card had to say ...
67. Support a great cause, make a great difference.
68. I am so thankful for Webmistress Maegan.
69. Beauty can only get you so far.
70. Okay, on to Plan B ...
71. Yay! Creatures!
72. Sometimes, our society is a difficult organism to be a part of.
73. Isn't it ironic, don't you think?
74. Business in the front, par-tay in the back!
75. Leave me to my dramatic self-loathing, please.
76. I love how some people are so awesome and they don't care who knows it.
77. Mushy: a word to describe me on most Mondays.
78. Hook, line and sinker. I'm a sucker.
79. You inspire me on a regular basis.
80. Kanye West should pay for my college education.
81. Home is where the heart is.
82. Every Friday, at approximately 3: 53 pm, "School's Out" by Alice Cooper starts playing in my head.
83. I'm taking a break this summer and I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself.
84. Being somewhere no one else has ever been excites me.
85. What some people can create with a can of spray paint and their imagination is truly amazing.
86. I write better lyrics than you.
87. I'm torn between what is expected of me and what I expect from myself.
88. Old people and their anti-old people activities make me smile.
89. I would rather not have meat on my bones.
90. My heart belongs to Zazzle. And Troll 2.
91. Deep breaths, self. Deeeep breaths.
92. Goodbyes said, you will never be gone. We all miss you everyday.
93. Nikol was right. He's fancy.
94. Realize what you're doing before you ruin what hasn't even started.
95. I even freak myself out.
96. Yikes! Yet another reason to never procreate.
97. I'm always thinking about food - cooking it, eating it, whatever. Fatty, fatty, two by four ...
98. One of my greatest fears is too many teeth and/ or very small teeth. This fear is heightened when something that shouldn't have teeth (ie. a teddy bear) has too many and/ or very small teeth.
99. Handi-CAN.
100. I love you, blog!
Cheers to the past 100 posts and to the next 100 to follow!
In celebration of this momentous occasion, I was thinking a list was in order. But about what? My favorite things? Characteristics of me? I can't think of anything more boring or less appropriate. So ... in honor of you, my dearest blog, the following list of reflections (according to each previous post) is dedicated to you!
1. A new year, a new endeavor ... Project Blog is GO!
2. Skeptical about coming up with enough interesting ideas, I originally planned to rely on things I'd already written before the birth of blog.
3. Pay it forward. A simple lesson I learned first hand.
4. Listen to your friends, some of them know what they are talking about.
5. Calculating my Emo percentage was one of the most interesting/ depressing conversations I've had with myself.
6. The newspaper never ceases to amuse me. Especially with stories about poop.
7. I love Andy Samberg. The end.
8. Sometimes I realize I am a subconscious student of myself. Man, I'm slow.
9. The best way to make a difference is to think outside yourself.
10. Lyrics consistently inspire me. I aspire to write half as well as my favorite poets one day.
11. My camera is my constant companion and has more than paid for itself with the countless memories it's captured, for me to cherish always.
12. I love all things random. If I were a fan of perfume, I would smell like random, but in a good way.
13. I don't like being set up. Also, there really is such a thing as a stupid question.
14. When you can match your self love to your self hate, you know you're doing okay.
15. First, I love Etsy. Second, mustaches are hilarious.
16. White nylons should be banned in all 50 states.
17. Sometimes I worry that my subconscious is more interesting than conscious self.
18. Married to the Sea, by Natalie Dee speaks to my character.
19. When I know what I'm talking about (or think I do), I'm easily frustrated when others don't believe me. This might explain why I was never on the debate team ...
20. I am very attached to the selections of San Diego I know and look forward to permeating all other parts of it.
21. It was touch and go there for a while, luckily blog pulled through. What a trooper.
22. Until this year, Valentine's Day was never very special to me. It still doesn't deserve the hype.
23. I over think things.
24. I love my brother. He is one of the strongest people I know.
25. I have a creepy psyche and would understand if you didn't want to be friends anymore.
26. Obsessed!
27. Some days are just determined to start annoyingly.
28. In certain situations, it's hard to decide between a high-five or face slap in response to the ideas of some people.
29. Spellcheck!
30. Growing up is worse than growing old. I hope I never grow up.
31. Glamour Shots at their finest!
32. Love, it taught me to lie. And finally let go.
33. La Mesa hot spots are an acquired taste and even then, there's no 'A' in the window.
34. Whee, I love lists!
35. Many things in my life would be easier if I believed in myself a little more.
36. Dr. Seuss is indirectly responsible for the person I am today.
37. One of the scariest things ever is realizing you may not have been right all along.
38. PMS is a SOB.
39. I can only hope my final resting place will be more educational and less boring than yours.
40. Cartoons in real life.
41. Everything I don't know is a lot.
42. In the war of the multipurpose warming devices, who will win?
43. The body, and it's incredible sensory abilities, make life worth experiencing.
44. Heroes come in unexpected packages.
45. Ugly knows no era. Prehistoric, current ... it thrives.
46. The purpose of life is a life of purpose.
47. I have been in school for what seems like 200 years. I'm always looking for ways to make it more interesting.
48. Stickin' it to the man. Yeeeah.
49. Sometimes I get really nervous about how others see me. Lame!
50. I have some strange habits. I don't know if I should alert others to their existence or not.
51. Unexpecting something pleasant is a thrill I'd never experienced until recently.
52. I like to wonder about what I could be outside of this society.
53. I'm hopelessly neurotic and my life is unfortunately governed my by stress level. Help!
54. Gold teeth = automatic membership to Thug, Inc. Even if you're a ginger.
55. I don't think I'll ever be a good photographer, but I appreciate the art of it just the same.
56. Realize what matters. It will save you a lot of heartache.
57. My resistance to Star Wars themed baked goods is futile.
58. Sometimes, I worry too much about how I'm going to scar my children to really want any.
59. Teenage Mutant Ninja Nightmare!
60. A day in the life of yours truly seems way more interesting when rhyming is involved.
61. My diet sometimes includes things that may or may not actually be edible.
62. I'm sorry I can't rise to the occasions you have already RSVP-ed me for.
63. Right now, at this moment, I'm the happiest I've been in a long time and so grateful for it.
64. Who am I?
65. Reality shows are a waste of matter.
66. I was taught to bring flowers for the hostess. I was taught to put my napkin on my lap. I was taught to send a card for special occasions. But, I wasn't taught what the card had to say ...
67. Support a great cause, make a great difference.
68. I am so thankful for Webmistress Maegan.
69. Beauty can only get you so far.
70. Okay, on to Plan B ...
71. Yay! Creatures!
72. Sometimes, our society is a difficult organism to be a part of.
73. Isn't it ironic, don't you think?
74. Business in the front, par-tay in the back!
75. Leave me to my dramatic self-loathing, please.
76. I love how some people are so awesome and they don't care who knows it.
77. Mushy: a word to describe me on most Mondays.
78. Hook, line and sinker. I'm a sucker.
79. You inspire me on a regular basis.
80. Kanye West should pay for my college education.
81. Home is where the heart is.
82. Every Friday, at approximately 3: 53 pm, "School's Out" by Alice Cooper starts playing in my head.
83. I'm taking a break this summer and I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself.
84. Being somewhere no one else has ever been excites me.
85. What some people can create with a can of spray paint and their imagination is truly amazing.
86. I write better lyrics than you.
87. I'm torn between what is expected of me and what I expect from myself.
88. Old people and their anti-old people activities make me smile.
89. I would rather not have meat on my bones.
90. My heart belongs to Zazzle. And Troll 2.
91. Deep breaths, self. Deeeep breaths.
92. Goodbyes said, you will never be gone. We all miss you everyday.
93. Nikol was right. He's fancy.
94. Realize what you're doing before you ruin what hasn't even started.
95. I even freak myself out.
96. Yikes! Yet another reason to never procreate.
97. I'm always thinking about food - cooking it, eating it, whatever. Fatty, fatty, two by four ...
98. One of my greatest fears is too many teeth and/ or very small teeth. This fear is heightened when something that shouldn't have teeth (ie. a teddy bear) has too many and/ or very small teeth.
99. Handi-CAN.
100. I love you, blog!
Cheers to the past 100 posts and to the next 100 to follow!
Not Okay
This adorable dental tool is supposed to encourage children to brush their teeth.
I don't think I ever want to brush my teeth or own a teddy bear again.
I don't think I ever want to brush my teeth or own a teddy bear again.
7/16/09
Weekly Shudder
Along with my obsession with all things list form, I also love special reoccurring things, like the icecream man coming down my street or the cast of a Tim Burton film.
I now present an exclusive to this blog, the "Weekly Shudder". A weekly display of something entirely too disturbing I've discovered online, heard about from someone or created myself.
Rejoice! You now have a reason to live!
This week: uhh, no comment.
I now present an exclusive to this blog, the "Weekly Shudder". A weekly display of something entirely too disturbing I've discovered online, heard about from someone or created myself.
Rejoice! You now have a reason to live!
This week: uhh, no comment.
Slumberland
Another strange dream last night ...
I dreamt I woke up this morning to get ready to go to work, etc. only to realize my legs had fused together, into some grotesque fleshy stump with dangling feet. It was seriously ugly, too. I could see where the skin joined in the middle of my former legs, it was creepy and partially transparent. I could move my feet separately, but the trunk part was just dead weight. So gross. It's like I was on the way to beautiful-majestic-mermaid-land but got lost somewhere in mad-scientist-birth-defect-town.
The weird part is that I wasn't very scared of the situation, just annoyed. I was pissed off trying to figure out how I would drive to work with one fused leg and that I wouldn't be able to wear jeans today. For some reason, I was also afraid to let my mermaid leg come into contact with the sun. Why? Is it part vampire? I don't know.
Needless to say, when I really did wake up for work this morning, I was a little apprehensive to look under the covers and check my limb situation.
I dreamt I woke up this morning to get ready to go to work, etc. only to realize my legs had fused together, into some grotesque fleshy stump with dangling feet. It was seriously ugly, too. I could see where the skin joined in the middle of my former legs, it was creepy and partially transparent. I could move my feet separately, but the trunk part was just dead weight. So gross. It's like I was on the way to beautiful-majestic-mermaid-land but got lost somewhere in mad-scientist-birth-defect-town.
The weird part is that I wasn't very scared of the situation, just annoyed. I was pissed off trying to figure out how I would drive to work with one fused leg and that I wouldn't be able to wear jeans today. For some reason, I was also afraid to let my mermaid leg come into contact with the sun. Why? Is it part vampire? I don't know.
Needless to say, when I really did wake up for work this morning, I was a little apprehensive to look under the covers and check my limb situation.
7/14/09
What Is
You can't depend on your eyes
when your imagination is out of focus,
you've always known you were bound for greatness
and you were right.
So forget yourself and go to work.
I could listen to you talk
but talk is cheap,
tell you what I'm thinking
these thoughts I'd rather keep.
I might wait until you understand
but that could take too long,
try and paint a picture
for you to only see it wrong.
You can't depend on good judgement
when your reason is clouded with insecurity,
you've always had exactly what it takes
to beat the best.
So come what may and love it.
I could listen to you talk
but talk is cheap,
tell you what I'm thinking
these thoughts I'd rather keep.
I might wait until you understand
but that could take too long,
try and paint a picture
for you to only see it wrong.
You can't depend on a positive future
when your present is a disappointed past,
you've always been a pillar of strength
to everyone but you.
So live and learn and love again.
Please, live and learn and love again.
when your imagination is out of focus,
you've always known you were bound for greatness
and you were right.
So forget yourself and go to work.
I could listen to you talk
but talk is cheap,
tell you what I'm thinking
these thoughts I'd rather keep.
I might wait until you understand
but that could take too long,
try and paint a picture
for you to only see it wrong.
You can't depend on good judgement
when your reason is clouded with insecurity,
you've always had exactly what it takes
to beat the best.
So come what may and love it.
I could listen to you talk
but talk is cheap,
tell you what I'm thinking
these thoughts I'd rather keep.
I might wait until you understand
but that could take too long,
try and paint a picture
for you to only see it wrong.
You can't depend on a positive future
when your present is a disappointed past,
you've always been a pillar of strength
to everyone but you.
So live and learn and love again.
Please, live and learn and love again.
7/13/09
7/7/09
7/4/09
The Truth is Out There
This is all about to change,
and though it's been transforming slightly for months now,
it will be completely new,
entirely different in just a few days.
Change is a good thing, change is a great thing,
it brings fresh air, deep breaths -
this is a good thing, I hope it's a great thing,
after that first big step, who care about the rest?
and though it's been transforming slightly for months now,
it will be completely new,
entirely different in just a few days.
Change is a good thing, change is a great thing,
it brings fresh air, deep breaths -
this is a good thing, I hope it's a great thing,
after that first big step, who care about the rest?
7/1/09
Zazzle = Love
Ahh! I love Zazzle! My co-workers got me an awesome pegasus shirt (that only we understand) from that website and it rocks. However, hark! They have Nilbog necessities available as well!
I must have this shirt! Troll 2 is the best and worst movie of all time and I live my life according to WWAD (What Would Arnold Do?). Yeah, I know my birthday is months away ... but I MUST HAVE IT! Also, if you have not yet seen the cinematic masterpiece this article of clothing is based upon ... get thee hence to a Blockbuster near you!
I must have this shirt! Troll 2 is the best and worst movie of all time and I live my life according to WWAD (What Would Arnold Do?). Yeah, I know my birthday is months away ... but I MUST HAVE IT! Also, if you have not yet seen the cinematic masterpiece this article of clothing is based upon ... get thee hence to a Blockbuster near you!
6/25/09
6/23/09
Torn
My eyes are permanently damaged with the amount of exaggerated rolling they do. Usually in response to something I have done/ am doing that does not coincide with the plans my parents have set out for me ... ones they still believe I will follow one day. It is ridiculously hard to fly away from the nest and start making your own way in the world, especially if you are flying in the opposite direction your parents prefer. Trust me, I've done it. I'm still doing it. It was hard enough the first time I tried to explain why my priorities in life are different than theirs, but having to do it every couple of weeks is even more difficult. What I say just never seems to sink in.
I was raised to believe in only one correct path in life. How thrilled my parents would have been if I had graduated high school, gone to college until I got married young and achieved my destiny as a wife and mother by the age of 25. I was raised to do this, I have been taught this is the right way to go ... so why is it so against my grain? Why do I rebel so whole-heartily against this life? I can only blame it on who I am as an individual.
I've never really felt like I completely fit in anywhere and that is fine with me. I have also never felt the need to apologize to anyone for who I am ... except when it comes to my parents. I feel like I am a let down, a disappointment, a failure and almost every conversation starts with "I'm sorry ...". I feel like I owe it to them to become what they believe I should be. But I can't. For a while, I even considered transferring to BYU, where I would meet a clean cut return missionary and we would get married in the temple. I would give him children and he would support us. But, I realized I couldn't live a life centered around what my parents expected from me if it made me absolutely miserable. I tried and failed yet again to make them proud of me. I love the beach, alternative music, caffeine, body art, diversity, freedom ... I couldn't just leave all the things I loved behind to follow a dream that was not mine. I still feel guilty about that choice.
As a parent, I think that your child's happiness should take precedent over your own. Your love and support should never waver in regards to them growing and learning in life. I've come to these conclusions by my parent's example, but not because they did these things. I've gained this knowledge because they haven't done these things. I understand that my life will never be easy with the route I've chosen to take. I will always be faced with adversity when it comes to my family relationships. But, what is even worse than explainations that fall on deaf ears, is having to repeat the same thing over and over again, especially when it breaks some one's heart.
I'm torn between what is expected of me and what I expect from myself.
Unworthy is something I should never feel.
Abandon is something I will never do.
Ignorant is something I will never be.
Ashamed is something I should never feel.
Damage is something I will never do.
Selfish is something I will never be.
Proud is something I will always feel.
Love is something I will always do.
Myself is something I will always be.
I was raised to believe in only one correct path in life. How thrilled my parents would have been if I had graduated high school, gone to college until I got married young and achieved my destiny as a wife and mother by the age of 25. I was raised to do this, I have been taught this is the right way to go ... so why is it so against my grain? Why do I rebel so whole-heartily against this life? I can only blame it on who I am as an individual.
I've never really felt like I completely fit in anywhere and that is fine with me. I have also never felt the need to apologize to anyone for who I am ... except when it comes to my parents. I feel like I am a let down, a disappointment, a failure and almost every conversation starts with "I'm sorry ...". I feel like I owe it to them to become what they believe I should be. But I can't. For a while, I even considered transferring to BYU, where I would meet a clean cut return missionary and we would get married in the temple. I would give him children and he would support us. But, I realized I couldn't live a life centered around what my parents expected from me if it made me absolutely miserable. I tried and failed yet again to make them proud of me. I love the beach, alternative music, caffeine, body art, diversity, freedom ... I couldn't just leave all the things I loved behind to follow a dream that was not mine. I still feel guilty about that choice.
As a parent, I think that your child's happiness should take precedent over your own. Your love and support should never waver in regards to them growing and learning in life. I've come to these conclusions by my parent's example, but not because they did these things. I've gained this knowledge because they haven't done these things. I understand that my life will never be easy with the route I've chosen to take. I will always be faced with adversity when it comes to my family relationships. But, what is even worse than explainations that fall on deaf ears, is having to repeat the same thing over and over again, especially when it breaks some one's heart.
I'm torn between what is expected of me and what I expect from myself.
Unworthy is something I should never feel.
Abandon is something I will never do.
Ignorant is something I will never be.
Ashamed is something I should never feel.
Damage is something I will never do.
Selfish is something I will never be.
Proud is something I will always feel.
Love is something I will always do.
Myself is something I will always be.
6/12/09
Summer Vacation
'I am taking the summer off' is something I'd never thought I'd say, at least for a few more years. But yes, it's true ... a mental and physical rehabilitation is desperately needed before I start 'real' college this fall. This past semester was seriously one of the most challenging so far in my academic career. I don't know if that was due to the instructors, the material or my schedule overall - but I was already burned out before finals even came around.
Anyway, I've majorly gone against my grain with taking this huge chunk of time off from classes. I have a problem with feeling like I am wasting time when I am not exerting myself to the fullest extent. Unfortunately, this practice has finally caught up with me because I definitely ran myself into the ground this past semester. In order to prevent a complete shock to my system, though, I am still taking one class (yoga) because I need to zen before giving in to impending chaos come late August. Plus, I still have to finish putting my house together, put my finances back in order after my move, get back into shape and still try to have some sort of social interaction in the process.
Here's to summer and vacations and time off from responsibility! Whee!
Anyway, I've majorly gone against my grain with taking this huge chunk of time off from classes. I have a problem with feeling like I am wasting time when I am not exerting myself to the fullest extent. Unfortunately, this practice has finally caught up with me because I definitely ran myself into the ground this past semester. In order to prevent a complete shock to my system, though, I am still taking one class (yoga) because I need to zen before giving in to impending chaos come late August. Plus, I still have to finish putting my house together, put my finances back in order after my move, get back into shape and still try to have some sort of social interaction in the process.
Here's to summer and vacations and time off from responsibility! Whee!
6/5/09
Where the Heart Is
Update: moving day is over and new home is officially GO!
CONS:
1. Red paint. I severely miscalculated the level of difficulty in painting a white room, dark red (or "Bordello Red", as my Dad lovingly calls it). An entire gallon on a 10 x 10 room and still 715 coats left to apply. Argh!
2. Arbitrarily placed cabinets. Not always a good thing, just ask the huge purple knot on my forehead. Leaning down to fill a brush with more paint does not excuse the need to look above your head before standing up. A cabinet where no cabinet should be located may result in a dented skull, laying crumpled on the floor while listening to the kids upstairs play Star Wars on Wii and wishing you were playing too, instead of waiting for a concussion to set in.
3. Steep stairs. Always fun when moving large, heavy, bulky furniture. Also, when you drive a Toyota Camry instead of a truck and have to make 15 trips from old residence to new ... stairs tend to get old, reaaal fast. I may have to hire a door man to accompany guests from the bottom of the stairs to my door, just to be sure they make it without breaking anything. I suppose this could also be considered a pro, because after the past 48 hours of moving all my earthy belongings, I seriously have buns of steel. My move was the equivalent of at least 5 hours on the StairMaster.
4. Forest green tile. Yes, forest green tile. Umm, I don't really know what to do with this stuff. It's a highly unattractive feature that I should have taken into account before purchasing 'Autumn Leaves Orange' paint for my kitchen. You'll have to let me know if it A) it works, B) it looks like a pumpkin or C)it's a blast from the past, circa 1970. If B) or C), I'll just blame it on the previous tenant.
5. Closet (or lack thereof). I significantly reduced the amount of clothes I own before moving and even took a lot of what was in my previous closet and stuffed it into my dresser. Still, I can't fit everything into where it should go. Still calculating alternatives regarding this issue ...
PROS:
1. Big bathroom. Everything from my previous loo (and more!) can fit into my new bathroom. It's fantastic! I used to have all of my hair and make-up stuff in my bedroom because I had to share one bathroom. It's so nice to have everything related to hygiene and beauty located in one spot. Organization, it's a good thing.
2. Good location. Situated right on the edge of downtown La Mesa, I am close to all my necessities - Starbucks, Wells Fargo, Vons, Henry's, 8W-adjacent, trolley (for school), etc. Plus, still easy to bike everywhere, central to friend's residences and official meeting spot for Oktoberfest!
3. House vs. apartment. There are a few perks to moving into a house from an apartment, including being able to do whatever I want to the interior. Especially awesome because I'm only paying $50 more a month on rent. I have complete control, it's great!
4. Big porch. I kind of feel the need to purchase a rocking chair, brew my own moonshine and sit on this porch, chewing on straw and taking about the weather. It has a pretty view, a nice breeze and makes me want to be lazy. I love it.
5. All mine. Yeah, you heard right, new place all to myself. Can I eat cereal naked? Yep. Can I invite The Labyrinth goblins over for a sleep-over? Yep. Can I blast Ace of Base while rearranging my LOL cat magnets on the fridge? Yep! All without disturbed expressions and awkward comments. Life is grand.
CONS:
1. Red paint. I severely miscalculated the level of difficulty in painting a white room, dark red (or "Bordello Red", as my Dad lovingly calls it). An entire gallon on a 10 x 10 room and still 715 coats left to apply. Argh!
2. Arbitrarily placed cabinets. Not always a good thing, just ask the huge purple knot on my forehead. Leaning down to fill a brush with more paint does not excuse the need to look above your head before standing up. A cabinet where no cabinet should be located may result in a dented skull, laying crumpled on the floor while listening to the kids upstairs play Star Wars on Wii and wishing you were playing too, instead of waiting for a concussion to set in.
3. Steep stairs. Always fun when moving large, heavy, bulky furniture. Also, when you drive a Toyota Camry instead of a truck and have to make 15 trips from old residence to new ... stairs tend to get old, reaaal fast. I may have to hire a door man to accompany guests from the bottom of the stairs to my door, just to be sure they make it without breaking anything. I suppose this could also be considered a pro, because after the past 48 hours of moving all my earthy belongings, I seriously have buns of steel. My move was the equivalent of at least 5 hours on the StairMaster.
4. Forest green tile. Yes, forest green tile. Umm, I don't really know what to do with this stuff. It's a highly unattractive feature that I should have taken into account before purchasing 'Autumn Leaves Orange' paint for my kitchen. You'll have to let me know if it A) it works, B) it looks like a pumpkin or C)it's a blast from the past, circa 1970. If B) or C), I'll just blame it on the previous tenant.
5. Closet (or lack thereof). I significantly reduced the amount of clothes I own before moving and even took a lot of what was in my previous closet and stuffed it into my dresser. Still, I can't fit everything into where it should go. Still calculating alternatives regarding this issue ...
PROS:
1. Big bathroom. Everything from my previous loo (and more!) can fit into my new bathroom. It's fantastic! I used to have all of my hair and make-up stuff in my bedroom because I had to share one bathroom. It's so nice to have everything related to hygiene and beauty located in one spot. Organization, it's a good thing.
2. Good location. Situated right on the edge of downtown La Mesa, I am close to all my necessities - Starbucks, Wells Fargo, Vons, Henry's, 8W-adjacent, trolley (for school), etc. Plus, still easy to bike everywhere, central to friend's residences and official meeting spot for Oktoberfest!
3. House vs. apartment. There are a few perks to moving into a house from an apartment, including being able to do whatever I want to the interior. Especially awesome because I'm only paying $50 more a month on rent. I have complete control, it's great!
4. Big porch. I kind of feel the need to purchase a rocking chair, brew my own moonshine and sit on this porch, chewing on straw and taking about the weather. It has a pretty view, a nice breeze and makes me want to be lazy. I love it.
5. All mine. Yeah, you heard right, new place all to myself. Can I eat cereal naked? Yep. Can I invite The Labyrinth goblins over for a sleep-over? Yep. Can I blast Ace of Base while rearranging my LOL cat magnets on the fridge? Yep! All without disturbed expressions and awkward comments. Life is grand.
5/28/09
Stellar
You hold me tight
and I breathe you in
this is perfect, this is right
sitting here tangled, forehead to chin ...
Because when you look at me with stars in your eyes,
all I see are the planets in a row
as I rush to connect the spatial ties
of this spectacular solar show.
5/18/09
Wasteland
Hey Blog,
I apologize for the lack of material as of late.
My mind is currently a wasteland of useless knowledge and rampant worry.
And not in a good way.
When I get inspired, I promise you'll be the first to know.
Kisses,
A
I apologize for the lack of material as of late.
My mind is currently a wasteland of useless knowledge and rampant worry.
And not in a good way.
When I get inspired, I promise you'll be the first to know.
Kisses,
A
5/8/09
Serenity Now
All I want to do right now is slip into my bed, cradle the covers around me like a makeshift nest and cuddle my cares away. Life is hectic at the moment. Too hectic. And that says something, considering I typically like being busy and usually refrain from wasting time being unproductive (ie. laying in bed, staring at the ceiling).
But, I think I've finally burned out. Between finding a place to live by the end of the month, upcoming financial burdens, super-sized amount of stress at work, accidentally offending my roommate, balancing a social life with finals next week, transfer requirements to worry about, family commitments to consider ... I seriously can't take it. I just need to close the blinds on my life for a little while.
My heavy head on a cool pillow couldn't sound more inviting at the moment. Serenity now.
But, I think I've finally burned out. Between finding a place to live by the end of the month, upcoming financial burdens, super-sized amount of stress at work, accidentally offending my roommate, balancing a social life with finals next week, transfer requirements to worry about, family commitments to consider ... I seriously can't take it. I just need to close the blinds on my life for a little while.
My heavy head on a cool pillow couldn't sound more inviting at the moment. Serenity now.
5/5/09
Hey Baby, What's Your Sign?
Oh ... wow. I think I just blushed a little. Hey there, what's your name? I really like your denim vest/ Batman shirt combo. It highlights your acne beautifully. Batman button? Check. "Oh yeah, I'm a bad ass and you know you want me" expression? Check. Business in the front/ luxurious, flowing party in the back? Double check! Maybe I DO believe in soul mates ...
5/4/09
Whatever, Amen, Etc.
Like branches from two different trees
our wounded ends found each other
merged into one, sealed with a scar -
resulting in a stronger union than before.
Sometimes I'm an airplane missing ground control's blips
careening toward the ground holding all I need
my black box is filled with memories of being drunk off your lips
I'm out of the rubble but still afraid I'll bleed.
Like snowflakes formed in separate poles
dancing wildly together in one familiar storm
each angle cut so unique, the fit is snug -
complete a puzzle that was never meant to be.
Sometimes I'm a ship that's traveled off the course
an ice burg is ahead without the time to steer away
my coordinates are wrong due to the wind's unstoppable force
I'm hit and sinking but this is where I want to stay.
our wounded ends found each other
merged into one, sealed with a scar -
resulting in a stronger union than before.
Sometimes I'm an airplane missing ground control's blips
careening toward the ground holding all I need
my black box is filled with memories of being drunk off your lips
I'm out of the rubble but still afraid I'll bleed.
Like snowflakes formed in separate poles
dancing wildly together in one familiar storm
each angle cut so unique, the fit is snug -
complete a puzzle that was never meant to be.
Sometimes I'm a ship that's traveled off the course
an ice burg is ahead without the time to steer away
my coordinates are wrong due to the wind's unstoppable force
I'm hit and sinking but this is where I want to stay.
5/1/09
Why Can't We All Just Get Along?
I often wonder why people are so mean sometimes. There are a number of reasons why someone could be upset at any given time of the day, but why do they have to take it out on others? I guess today was my turn to be the proverbial punching bag for everyone I encountered, because I had an abnormal amount of "why can't we all just get along?" moments before 1 pm even rolled around. Typically, they tend to spread themselves out nicely so there isn't too much attention called to how crappy some people treat each other ... but, not today.
You know things are pretty bad when you have to make a decision about turning your blinker on when changing lanes on the freeway, fearing that if you obey they law, the jerk next to you will either annoyingly speed up and change lanes like they want to play games (trust me, fellow drivers, I do not) or they keep a comfortable pace next to you, receiving some sort of smug satisfaction from you missing your exit. Why? Why are you so mean?! Do you get to work, sit down at your desk and think about how cool or fun or satisfying it was to be an ass before 8 am? If so, mission accomplished. If your life is maybe not going so great at the moment, I'm sorry ... it happens to the best of us. But how does making me late for work help that situation? Rude.
My interpersonal interactions only gets more obnoxious as this day progresses. I had to run to the pharmacy on my lunch break, which is exactly 45 minutes long (thanks, UCSD, for being so generous). Going about 5 miles an hour in the parking lot, I turn the corner right when a girl runs out in front of me. I slam on my breaks, she gifts me with an obscene gesture. What? I stopped didn't I? I don't like that your bitchy attitude makes me want to lift my foot off that pedal and see what happens. Stop making me into that kind of person. I don't appreciate it! After that wonderful experience, I got to be obviously ignored by the one person working at the pharmacy. Man, I know you see me. You can at least acknowledge my presence. I have limited time and I drove all the way here ... are you in that terrible of a mood that you have to glance toward me, back to your computer screen (which probably has solitaire on it) and then pretend to act busy? "Just a minute" or "Be right there" isn't that difficult ... I don't want to bug you by disrupting whatever you're working on, but I will.
Later, while waiting at the stop light on my way back to work, out of approximately 10 pedestrians crossing in front of me, all of them left an elderly woman struggling with five bags of groceries to awkwardly cross the street. In turn, when she wasn't to the other side by the time the light turned green, more than one person honked. Honked! Dude, she is like 75 years old and enduring strenuous cardiovascular exercise while holding at least 10 pounds of dead weight. Stop being mean! Why don't you focus all of that asshole energy into doing something useful or kind or positive in this world? And speaking of alternative energy sources ... I think I'm onto something here ...
So far, today was a beast. A beast I'm trying to fight off before it completely takes over me. People, stop being horrible to each other ... I don't want it to rub off, making me become like you!
You know things are pretty bad when you have to make a decision about turning your blinker on when changing lanes on the freeway, fearing that if you obey they law, the jerk next to you will either annoyingly speed up and change lanes like they want to play games (trust me, fellow drivers, I do not) or they keep a comfortable pace next to you, receiving some sort of smug satisfaction from you missing your exit. Why? Why are you so mean?! Do you get to work, sit down at your desk and think about how cool or fun or satisfying it was to be an ass before 8 am? If so, mission accomplished. If your life is maybe not going so great at the moment, I'm sorry ... it happens to the best of us. But how does making me late for work help that situation? Rude.
My interpersonal interactions only gets more obnoxious as this day progresses. I had to run to the pharmacy on my lunch break, which is exactly 45 minutes long (thanks, UCSD, for being so generous). Going about 5 miles an hour in the parking lot, I turn the corner right when a girl runs out in front of me. I slam on my breaks, she gifts me with an obscene gesture. What? I stopped didn't I? I don't like that your bitchy attitude makes me want to lift my foot off that pedal and see what happens. Stop making me into that kind of person. I don't appreciate it! After that wonderful experience, I got to be obviously ignored by the one person working at the pharmacy. Man, I know you see me. You can at least acknowledge my presence. I have limited time and I drove all the way here ... are you in that terrible of a mood that you have to glance toward me, back to your computer screen (which probably has solitaire on it) and then pretend to act busy? "Just a minute" or "Be right there" isn't that difficult ... I don't want to bug you by disrupting whatever you're working on, but I will.
Later, while waiting at the stop light on my way back to work, out of approximately 10 pedestrians crossing in front of me, all of them left an elderly woman struggling with five bags of groceries to awkwardly cross the street. In turn, when she wasn't to the other side by the time the light turned green, more than one person honked. Honked! Dude, she is like 75 years old and enduring strenuous cardiovascular exercise while holding at least 10 pounds of dead weight. Stop being mean! Why don't you focus all of that asshole energy into doing something useful or kind or positive in this world? And speaking of alternative energy sources ... I think I'm onto something here ...
So far, today was a beast. A beast I'm trying to fight off before it completely takes over me. People, stop being horrible to each other ... I don't want it to rub off, making me become like you!
4/29/09
4/28/09
Grey
I can feel the rain today
falling directly on my head
dark and dreary, soaking wet
I can't send these clouds away
their shadows slowly stalk me
haunting each and every step
Do you know when it all feels pointless?
Do you ever think that maybe it is?
And when they tell me to move on through the mess
I wish these rainstorms instead were his ...
falling directly on my head
dark and dreary, soaking wet
I can't send these clouds away
their shadows slowly stalk me
haunting each and every step
Do you know when it all feels pointless?
Do you ever think that maybe it is?
And when they tell me to move on through the mess
I wish these rainstorms instead were his ...
4/23/09
What A Pity
"I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that's how I was raised."
- Miss California, Carrie Prejean, of San Diego, CA
I believe that everyone has the right to have their own opinions, thoughts, ideals ... as well as the right to share them with whomever they choose. However, when people decide to share the opinions, thoughts or ideals of another and claim them as their own without even understanding why ... is absolutely idiotic.
Also, who says "no offense" anymore and actually expects no one to take offense? So dumb! On a completely unrelated note, Mystic tan and aerosol hair spray destroys brain cells.
What a pity, little Miss Golden State. Even with all of that makeup, your ignorance still shows.
4/21/09
4/20/09
The Rescue
Make a difference and get involved today!
Invisible Children is a very worth while cause. Here is a little background on what they stand for, against and what they strive to change ...
For 23 years, the government of Uganda and a rebel group called the Lords Resistance Army, led by a man named Joseph Kony, has engaged in Africa’s longest war. In recent years, peace was seemingly within reach, largely due to the Juba Peace Talks that began in July 2006. However, despite a ceasefire signed between the LRA and Ugandan government, efforts toward peace through the Juba Peace Talks were stalled on several occasions by Kony’s refusal to sign the final peace agreement. Kony’s absence at the peace agreement signing on November 29, 2008 proved his promises to be futile and ultimately disabled the peace talks. Furthermore, the ICC has obtained evidence that Kony used the ceasefire during the peace talks to regroup, regain strength and resume child abductions. Joseph Kony is the world’s first individual indicted by the International Criminal Court for crimes against humanity. Since September 2008, hostility in the Orientale province in DR Congo and Western Equatoria in South Sudan has reached a feverish pitch. In apparent desperation and a renewed will to spread terror to DR Congo, the LRA murdered over six hundred and abducted more than one hundred and sixty children to fight amongst its ranks. More than 104,000 Congolese have been displaced since Christmas in attempts to escape the LRA forces. A civil war, originally contained within Uganda’s borders, has now evolved into a widespread regional crisis. Invisible Children, in concert with other policy organizations including Resolve Uganda, The Enough Project, Human Rights Watch and Amnesty International, now believes an international effort to apprehend Kony and rescue his child soldiers is the most viable way to end the most neglected humanitarian emergency in the world today.
If you would like to get involved, please pay attention to the information below. It's only $5.00 and one weekend night to make a huge difference!
On April 25th, 2009 the international community will unite to deliver the innocent from Kony’s reign and ensure he is brought to justice. Your abduction will begin on April 25th at 3pm when you leave your home and meet at the fountain in front of Horton Plaza. You will drop off one of your family photos at the abduction site, symbolically leaving them behind. Then you will march as a group, on foot, to the NBC station and then to Embarcadero Marina Park South, our "LRA Camp", while carrying any supplies you will need for the night on your backs. This march will range from 1-3 miles and will be done in a single file line with all participants holding onto a rope. Invisible Children will arrange for photographers and videographers to film this symbolic march. Once you’ve arrived at the LRA Camp, you will set up your “camp” and then wait to be “rescued”.
The atmosphere at the LRA camp will be similar to our previous two events, Global Night Commute in 2006 and Displace Me in 2007, we loved the feel of those nights. People were peacefully moving around, meeting new friends and discussing world issues that really matter ... while writing their letters and completing their art projects. The climax of the night will be when your Rescuer arrives and pledges their support for The Rescue of Joseph Kony’s child soldiers. When this happens you should be very proud of what your city was able to accomplish and we hope that you celebrate and then stay until dawn the next day when you march back home. Spending the night in the Camp is a unique experience. For one night, you will forfeit the comforts of home and sleep in solidarity with the thousands of kids who have been abducted during this war. Your commitment to stay overnight shows the sacrifice that you are willing to make. This sacrifice will speak to our leaders.
I encourage everyone who can to participate in this activity and help make a difference. If you are unable to make The Rescue, there will be a lobbying event June 22 - 23, 2009 (times and locations TBA).
For more information on how to get involved in The Rescue this weekend, please visit therescue.invisiblechildren.com or www.invisiblechildren.com for general information on the movement.
Invisible Children is a very worth while cause. Here is a little background on what they stand for, against and what they strive to change ...
For 23 years, the government of Uganda and a rebel group called the Lords Resistance Army, led by a man named Joseph Kony, has engaged in Africa’s longest war. In recent years, peace was seemingly within reach, largely due to the Juba Peace Talks that began in July 2006. However, despite a ceasefire signed between the LRA and Ugandan government, efforts toward peace through the Juba Peace Talks were stalled on several occasions by Kony’s refusal to sign the final peace agreement. Kony’s absence at the peace agreement signing on November 29, 2008 proved his promises to be futile and ultimately disabled the peace talks. Furthermore, the ICC has obtained evidence that Kony used the ceasefire during the peace talks to regroup, regain strength and resume child abductions. Joseph Kony is the world’s first individual indicted by the International Criminal Court for crimes against humanity. Since September 2008, hostility in the Orientale province in DR Congo and Western Equatoria in South Sudan has reached a feverish pitch. In apparent desperation and a renewed will to spread terror to DR Congo, the LRA murdered over six hundred and abducted more than one hundred and sixty children to fight amongst its ranks. More than 104,000 Congolese have been displaced since Christmas in attempts to escape the LRA forces. A civil war, originally contained within Uganda’s borders, has now evolved into a widespread regional crisis. Invisible Children, in concert with other policy organizations including Resolve Uganda, The Enough Project, Human Rights Watch and Amnesty International, now believes an international effort to apprehend Kony and rescue his child soldiers is the most viable way to end the most neglected humanitarian emergency in the world today.
If you would like to get involved, please pay attention to the information below. It's only $5.00 and one weekend night to make a huge difference!
On April 25th, 2009 the international community will unite to deliver the innocent from Kony’s reign and ensure he is brought to justice. Your abduction will begin on April 25th at 3pm when you leave your home and meet at the fountain in front of Horton Plaza. You will drop off one of your family photos at the abduction site, symbolically leaving them behind. Then you will march as a group, on foot, to the NBC station and then to Embarcadero Marina Park South, our "LRA Camp", while carrying any supplies you will need for the night on your backs. This march will range from 1-3 miles and will be done in a single file line with all participants holding onto a rope. Invisible Children will arrange for photographers and videographers to film this symbolic march. Once you’ve arrived at the LRA Camp, you will set up your “camp” and then wait to be “rescued”.
The atmosphere at the LRA camp will be similar to our previous two events, Global Night Commute in 2006 and Displace Me in 2007, we loved the feel of those nights. People were peacefully moving around, meeting new friends and discussing world issues that really matter ... while writing their letters and completing their art projects. The climax of the night will be when your Rescuer arrives and pledges their support for The Rescue of Joseph Kony’s child soldiers. When this happens you should be very proud of what your city was able to accomplish and we hope that you celebrate and then stay until dawn the next day when you march back home. Spending the night in the Camp is a unique experience. For one night, you will forfeit the comforts of home and sleep in solidarity with the thousands of kids who have been abducted during this war. Your commitment to stay overnight shows the sacrifice that you are willing to make. This sacrifice will speak to our leaders.
I encourage everyone who can to participate in this activity and help make a difference. If you are unable to make The Rescue, there will be a lobbying event June 22 - 23, 2009 (times and locations TBA).
For more information on how to get involved in The Rescue this weekend, please visit therescue.invisiblechildren.com or www.invisiblechildren.com for general information on the movement.
4/16/09
Greetings!
Greeting cards can brighten any one's day, no matter what the occasion is. I found the best website, wwww.someecards.com, where you can find anything your heart desires in a greeting. Your friends, family and loved ones won't know what hit 'em!
Know someone down in the dumps? Remind them of what's really important!
Looking for a way to let that special someone know how you feel? Send this gem!
Let your friends know you think about them often ... time and place are irrelevant!
Missing someone? Be more specific!
Tragedy in the family? Distract the distraught with obvious observations!
Trust me, nothing turns a frown upside down like an unexpected salutations! Enjoy!
Know someone down in the dumps? Remind them of what's really important!
Looking for a way to let that special someone know how you feel? Send this gem!
Let your friends know you think about them often ... time and place are irrelevant!
Missing someone? Be more specific!
Tragedy in the family? Distract the distraught with obvious observations!
Trust me, nothing turns a frown upside down like an unexpected salutations! Enjoy!
Sellout
Okay ... so I don't really watch reality television. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for guilty pleasures. I will admit that I watch Real Housewives of (insert city here) from time to time because it's super fake and utterly ridiculous, but shows like that and The Hills and all other faux-reality programs out there are pure bologna to me. Anyway, last night I went to a friend's house for some food, company and apparently American Idol. I never watch this show. I think it's borderline retarded to force musical talent out of people when there is barely anything there to squeeze out. Also, I think it's pretty lame that anyone listens to the "judges" on this show ... and why are there even judges if it's America that decides who goes and who stays? What even qualifies them (washed up randoms) to judge these acts? The whole premise of American Idol and other game-reality shows boggles my mind.
So, last night Quentin Tarantino was the guest judge on American Idol. What?! Why?! Do those kids even know who he is? I guess the contestants sang songs from from different films and Tarantino was the appropriate person to judge their attempts at pulling it off. How? He is an actor/ director ... maybe a big fan of music ... but definitely not someone to judge musical talent. Oh and P.S. Tarantino is pretty much insane and I'm sure he scarred at least one of the contestants for life.
I am immersed in confusion trying to understand how this ...
... even relates to this guy?
Why is he wearing more eyeliner than I do and more gold chains than Mr. T? Who does he think he is?
Maybe I just picked the wrong time to all of a sudden get into this show. I bet having the most random people ever make appearances is a regular occurrence. Or the guy in the picture above is about to get his face melted off by acid from a desert dwelling vampire's fang after he talks back to a gnarly Mexican bartender because his tequila isn't the right temperature. If so ... damn! I really should have kept watching!
So, last night Quentin Tarantino was the guest judge on American Idol. What?! Why?! Do those kids even know who he is? I guess the contestants sang songs from from different films and Tarantino was the appropriate person to judge their attempts at pulling it off. How? He is an actor/ director ... maybe a big fan of music ... but definitely not someone to judge musical talent. Oh and P.S. Tarantino is pretty much insane and I'm sure he scarred at least one of the contestants for life.
I am immersed in confusion trying to understand how this ...
... even relates to this guy?
Why is he wearing more eyeliner than I do and more gold chains than Mr. T? Who does he think he is?
Maybe I just picked the wrong time to all of a sudden get into this show. I bet having the most random people ever make appearances is a regular occurrence. Or the guy in the picture above is about to get his face melted off by acid from a desert dwelling vampire's fang after he talks back to a gnarly Mexican bartender because his tequila isn't the right temperature. If so ... damn! I really should have kept watching!
4/14/09
4/8/09
Sorry.
I'm keeping quiet until this room is empty
pressed into my corner until you forget I'm here
I'm sitting silent until the commotion dies down
I'll wait it out until it doesn't matter anymore
I can't remember when I wasn't disappointing
or what this place is like without the screaming
I can't remember how to be better than something
a position, expectation, a vision, your dreaming ...
I'm waiting anxious until this happens once again
proving my worth to you never seems to get old
I'm lying still until I feel outside this fever
but pills and cold compresses won't fix my head
I can't remember when I wasn't disappointing
or what this place is like without the screaming
I can't remember how to be better than something
a position, expectation, a vision, your dreaming ...
I'm writing slowly until I've penned all I have to
words that fail me are the only ones I like to use
I'm staying awake until my spirit breaks completely
I need to watch your face as these cracks get wide
I can't remember when I wasn't disappointing
or what this place is like without the screaming
I can't remember how to be better than something
a position, expectation, a vision ... you're dreaming.
pressed into my corner until you forget I'm here
I'm sitting silent until the commotion dies down
I'll wait it out until it doesn't matter anymore
I can't remember when I wasn't disappointing
or what this place is like without the screaming
I can't remember how to be better than something
a position, expectation, a vision, your dreaming ...
I'm waiting anxious until this happens once again
proving my worth to you never seems to get old
I'm lying still until I feel outside this fever
but pills and cold compresses won't fix my head
I can't remember when I wasn't disappointing
or what this place is like without the screaming
I can't remember how to be better than something
a position, expectation, a vision, your dreaming ...
I'm writing slowly until I've penned all I have to
words that fail me are the only ones I like to use
I'm staying awake until my spirit breaks completely
I need to watch your face as these cracks get wide
I can't remember when I wasn't disappointing
or what this place is like without the screaming
I can't remember how to be better than something
a position, expectation, a vision ... you're dreaming.
4/7/09
4/3/09
A Day In the Life
Oh, hello reflection
you're looking the same today
maybe not as lame today
point me in the right direction
Oh, hello sunshine
bright enough to shade my eyes
your yellow light is a disguise
when morning possibilities are on decline
Oh, hello maturity
sometimes more trouble than you're worth
giving me purpose to walk the Earth
someone save me from this obscurity
Oh, hello knowledge
steady slipstreams of thought
make me explore life like I ought
something I can actually take from college
Oh, hello relief
welcoming warmth, at last I am home
my breathing is normal when I'm alone
these walls comfort beyond belief
Oh, hello serenity
It's just you and me tonight
curling up content tonight
you are my most precious amenity.
you're looking the same today
maybe not as lame today
point me in the right direction
Oh, hello sunshine
bright enough to shade my eyes
your yellow light is a disguise
when morning possibilities are on decline
Oh, hello maturity
sometimes more trouble than you're worth
giving me purpose to walk the Earth
someone save me from this obscurity
Oh, hello knowledge
steady slipstreams of thought
make me explore life like I ought
something I can actually take from college
Oh, hello relief
welcoming warmth, at last I am home
my breathing is normal when I'm alone
these walls comfort beyond belief
Oh, hello serenity
It's just you and me tonight
curling up content tonight
you are my most precious amenity.
4/2/09
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