I am obsessed with many things, but this week it is Iron & Wine's The Shepherd's Dog. Though he has a few albums out already, his most recently released (2007) is the only one I own and have been playing it repetitively for at least the last week. I discovered this artist several months ago via Amazon.com suggestion and he is truely amazing. Sam Beam has an eerie, comforting lullaby quality to his voice - perfect for studying, folding laundry, strumming along with or actually falling asleep to. The fact that he looks nothing like his voice sounds makes me love him even more.
Beam in all his grizzled glory.
His music impacts me on a very intimate level, I have yet to discover why. His lyrics are poignant and the melodies are lush and haunting, kind of like the soundtrack to a dream. I look forward to discovering his other works and will continue to be obsessed with The Shepherd's Dog.
One of my greatest fears in life is drifting quietly through it, making no difference in the grand scheme of things. Whether you believe there is an afterlife or not (personally, I do), I can’t convince myself that I should keep this one to myself. What purpose would that serve? I have been given the potential to put positive changes into action, something this world desperately needs, and I don’t believe I have the right to ignore that.
I'm not completely ungrateful for what I have experienced in my life so far, but how can I fully appreciate this world without seeing as much of it as possible? Therefore, I’ve come to the conclusion that my life must include (meaningful) travel. I feel so selfish saying that I don’t have time in my school schedule to take a few months off/ have enough money saved to volunteer somewhere, even though it is true. The child soldiers in Uganda do not pencil in being kidnapped in their sleep or watching the LRA slaughter their families. The throngs of starving people in India are not choosing to spend their money on a new pair of jeans instead food. I’m not trying to be a hero or get props for being selfless, I just feel … insignificant. Wasting away on trivial things seems like the ultimate crime to me and I am on a mission to change that. Now, I don’t necessarily have an abundance of resources, but I still have more than some. Yeah, I don’t want to eat ramen for dinner again, but at least I have an education and my family is alive and well … some people can’t even say that. It makes you think. I don’t have much, but I’ll give everything I can.
I’m (cross your fingers!) transferring to SDSU this fall and have been aching to spend a semester abroad this winter. For at least the past year, I’ve been anticipating going somewhere like Costa Rica or Spain to break in my traveling shoes while earning a few language credits. Change of plans. About those resources (or my lack thereof)... here is my perfect opportunity to dedicate my time, energy and whole self to making a difference in someone else’s life. And you know what? I’m even more excited about that prospect than I was about learning to speak Spanish in a foreign country.
I am fully aware that I may not be able to accomplish all I want in my lifetime. I acknowledge that I can only try my best and work my hardest. Because at least then, when my time here is done, people can say I had massive potential I refused to ignore, that I thought globally and acted outside myself. That, right there, is making a difference, definitively inspirational and concrete evidence I made my mark.
Today, my-coworker told me about how her 8 year old threw a temper tantrum over finishing his homework last night and when he woke up this morning, he threw an even bigger fit about not having it ready to turn in. It's funny because he learned, on his own, a reluctant lesson. If you don't finish your homework at night, it will not be ready for class in the morning. It didn't matter what Mom told him ... Joey had to experience the consequences first hand to truely grasp the concept.
Sometimes I feel like such a child. I've recently realized that I have focused so intently on everything I did not learn being in a relationship, I have failed to appreciate the knowledge I have acquired since being single. Though I have only a few months of experience, I am amazed at how re-educated about myself I've become. Here are a few of the lessons I've reluctantly learned ... but am thrilled about!
Uncertainty is okay. I am a super-planner/ goal-setter, so this has been the hardest obstacle for me to overcome. I hate not being prepared which, unfortunately, is a requirement of being single. I've been forced out of my comfort zone. But, all I can do is be myself, which is ironically the easiest thing to do and truely liberating.
Be present. Sing in the car. See a movie. Act out. Dance with yourself. Learn an instrument. Start a journal. Learn a language. Focus on friends. Take a road trip. Live now.
Be positive. So important! I don't believe there is a situation that can't be changed by an attitude alteration. Imagine something terrible ... now, think about something magnificent. Do you see how easliy your attitude shifted along with your thoughts? Mental imagery is powerful. This lesson is gold, people. You can thank me later.
Laugh at yourself. This is self explanitory. Don't take yourself too seriously, you are only human! Also, Laughing at other people helps too.
Be patient. I know that all things happen for a reason, even if I don't always comprehend why. I also know that I am a very impatient person. If you are in need of an outlet like me, focus your go-getter tendencies on yourself (ie. education goals, your health, career) and succeed at things that do not require patience, unlike your personal life. Relationships will emerge when they are meant to.
These bits of wisdom might be common sense to those less jaded than me, but sometimes being reluctant to learn is necessary to truely become illuminated. It's about the journey and the lesson. And I am oh so grateful for both.
I'm a little in love with Andy Samberg (of SNL fame). Actually, it's more like a lot in love with. His Digital Shorts are pure genius. His cross-dressing tendencies and on-air kisses with Fred Armisen do not deter me. He brought sexy back (not JT) as far as I am concerned. He would totally put my bra in the freezer if I ever spent the night, but I don't care. Is it weird that I consider the ability to make me laugh so hard I pee a little a good quality in a guy? Maybe I shouldn't have shared that ... oh well. I would marry him in a heartbeat, I'm not kidding. We would honeymoon in Iceland. He would serenade me with ridiculous melodies on the kazoo. We would live a blissful, random life.
Okay, back to reality ...
Look at that chiseled jaw, slacker mop-top, Jewish nose ... ha, I cannot get enough. This makes me want to keep a helmet under my bed at all times. Also, he is an animal lover. Extra kudos for high-fiving an ocelot while lookin' fiiine.
A robbery trial abruptly ended yesterday when a defendant smeared feces on his lawyer and threw it at jurors, authorities said. Weusi McGowan, 37, had apparently smuggled a plastic bag filled with excrement into the San Diego Superior Court building, said Paul Levikow, spokesman for the District Attorney's Office. As the jurors stood to leave for their mid morning break, McGowan smeared feces in the face and hair of his public defender and threw it at the jury box. It did not hit any of the jurors. Judge Jeffrey Fraser declared a mistrial.
It seems kind of redundant, after reporting this story, to state that the judge called a mistrial. "Damn straight, Jeffrey - you best slam that gavel ASAP so I can go home and wash all of this CRAP off!" Oh lordy, I am horrified and in shock right now. What the hell? I used to think Larry Flint had the worst courtroom behavior I'd ever heard of, with his whole American flag-diaper statement. Boy, was I wrong. I severely underestimated the resourcefulness of a man with nothing to lose. The newspaper surprises me sometimes. I guess we are devolving now, since some people are acting like orangutans!
Also, since it didn't technically hit any of the jurors, "I don't want to be smeared with fecal matter" will most likely not be accepted as a duty excuse. Sad.
My friend sent me a list of the top ten break-up soundtracks ever recorded, perfect for a party-of-one Valentine’s Day or if you just want to confirm your tear ducts are in working order. I've never really been one to get excited about this particular holiday and I know it is way early to even be thinking about it … but if you’re feeling a bit blue, the following albums are supposedly just what the doctor ordered. For your convenience, I have arranged this list according to what you should listen to first, second and so on.
Beck, Sea Change The Cure, Disintigration Death Cab for Cutie, Transatlanticism Feist, Let It Die The Smiths, Hatful of Hollow Joni Mitchell, Blue Weezer, Pinkerton Bob Dylan, Blood on the Tracks Nine Inch Nails, Pretty Hate Machine Boyz II Men, II
I have to agree, they are pretty much on point. And I’m not just saying that because I own 8 out of the 10 albums listed above … this audio cache encompasses a mad amount of talent, both lyrical and instrumental. But, what does this say about me? Last time I checked, I am not emo. I would not say that crying is a hobby of mine or that I have extensive experience with heart break. Whether this reflects my (literally) depressing taste in music or not, these artists know what’s up! Check ‘em out, if you haven’t already.
What is it about certain sensory triggers that can dig up a long buried memory at a moment's notice? For whatever random reason, I've been having that happen a lot lately ... or maybe I'm just noticing it more because I am currently dealing with a break-up and trying really hard to not acknowledge the triggers ... I'm not sure.
As some of you may know, I have an affinity/ borderline obsession for topical lip products. I specifically remember this one guava lip smacker gloss I used to have and applying it on the plane before flying out to San Diego when I was 12 years old. If I smelled it today, feelings of flight anxiety would immediately arise in my stomach, turning it into knots. Why? Because of a smell? Regardless of where I am or what I am doing, the moment I smell that guava gloss I can predict my internal reaction precisely. Damn sensory triggers ... I'm tellin' you. And it doesn't stop at just smell, it can be associated with anything.
It's the same situation right now, at this point in my life. I see one thing or hear another and the threads of time pull me backwards by my naval to a particular experience. Lately, it's been certain television shows or random commercials that allow these memories to run rampant. Episodes of 'How It's Made' ... I get anxious watching them because I start to think about his curious little face and how, of course, that would be his favorite show. Great, now how am I supposed to acquire information on how paper is recycled and bike helmets are made? Wiki that ish, I suppose. Or those disgusting 'double the beef' Taco Bell commercials, [insert hilarious, borderline inappropriate meat joke here]. Obnoxious, but I miss it.
It is getting better though ... as time without him in my life presses on. I'm breaking through my formerly non-permeable membrane, getting involved with the world on an entirely different level and most importantly, creating new sensory triggers. Ones that hopefully resurrect memories from 7 years ago, back when I didn't doubt myself, when I knew what I wanted and was so not that girl who let a man define her.
To quote my dear friend, 'I've gotta wash that man right outta my hair'. I just did, and can I say, what an amazing feeling it is that follows lather, rinse, repeat! Better yet, it's something I'll always be able to experience whenever I smell my coconut leave-in conditioner.
Although I read the Union Tribune almost daily in an attempt to be aware of what's going on in this crazy world, I try to watch the news on television as infrequently as possible. There is major truth to the saying 'Ignorance is Bliss', because watching the massively disappointing and depressing stories Channel 5 reports each night makes it almost impossible for me to fall asleep.
On the 11:00 news last night, there was a story about a pregnant young woman who was victim to a fatal hit and run. A few good Samaritans stopped on the side of the freeway after the accident in an attempt to pull her from the wreckage, even though it was too late. In the midst of this hustle, another car pulled up to the accident ... and swiped the victim's purse, which was laying a few feet away from the mangled car. Seriously, is this what our society has come to?! Stealing this woman's belongings from the car accident that would eventually claim her and her unborn child's life? Now, not only were police looking for the idiot that hit her and ran, but also for the morally repugnant asshole who thought it appropriate to steal from her. I went to sleep last night severely disgusted and woke up this morning, still disgruntled.
Running late, I waited in the Starbucks drive-thru this morning for my coffee. After what seemed like forever, the stress from facing impending traffic on the 8 combined with the anger from last night's news made me snap at the barista when I finally reached the window. She handed me my double-tall-nonfat-whatever and instead of telling me my total, she asked if I would like to 'pay it forward'. Pay it forward? Uh, like the movie? I was confused. Yes, like the movie/ sociological phenomenon … she had asked the first person who came for coffee this morning if they would like to pay it forward by buying the next customers drink and so on. For each El Cajon & 68th Starbucks patron that went through the drive-thru this morning, your coffee was already paid for. Instead of hearing your total at the window, you got your beverage for free and were asked to pay it forward. I was the twentieth person to reach the window ... and I did pay it forward. I drove to work with a warm, fuzzy feeling and hardly even noticed the traffic or that I was late.
After going to bed irate and waking up this morning in a similar state of mind, that barista (and every coffee drinker, before and after me, that 'paid it forward') somewhat restored my hope in humanity. We, as a society, are capable of doing the most terrible and disgusting things imaginable ... but that isn't all we are capable of. We have the ability to love. We have the sense to be patient, compassionate and understanding. We have the resources to help those around us, even if we don't get anything in return. You may think that your actions (good and bad) are miniscule and unimportant, but they most certainly are not! You can light the match that ignites the fire of change by doing something small each day to make this world a better place. Hit and runs will happen, so let's counteract the tragedy trend by going the extra mile as much as possible. Please - pay it forward, whether than means stopping at a car accident to try and save someone's life or simply buying a $2 cup of coffee for your fellow man.
UPDATE: via San Diego Union Tribune
2:00 a.m.January 7, 2009
A Carlsbad man was arrested yesterday on suspicion of stealing the purse of a pregnant woman who was killed early Sunday in a crash on Interstate 5, the California Highway Patrol said. CHP investigators arrested Mark Christopher Struk, 31, at his home about 3 p.m., Officer Mark Latulippe said. Struk was booked into jail on suspicion of felony grand theft. He and a female passenger, who has not been arrested, are suspected of slowing down along I-5 and grabbing a purse that had fallen out from an overturned Ford Explorer. The purse belonged to Yine Erandy Gonzalez Angeles, 24, of Tijuana, a passenger in the Explorer who died at a hospital. Gonzalez was six months pregnant, and the child also died. The CHP say John Francis Sudac Jr., 27, of Carlsbad was speeding and changing lanes on I-5 in SolanaBeach about 1 a.m. when his Nissan Altima hit the Explorer, causing the SUV to roll. Moments after the crash, a station wagon passed by slowly and a female passenger snatched Gonzalez's purse. Latulippe said witnesses noted the license plate number of the wagon. A woman with Struk when he was arrested was questioned, but investigators determined she was not the passenger involved in the theft, Latulippe said. The purse has not been recovered. Sudac is to be arraigned Monday in Vista Superior Court. –M.R. and P.R.
So ... if these blog posts are like episodes of the soon-to-be-syndicated television show that is my life, one should expect to see a re-run every once in a while correct? Your heads should be nodding in agreement.
I will not be re-posting the same things over and over again, but I will sporadically be posting tidbits I've already written and have yet to publish (and by 'publish', I mean 'post'). I have too many notebooks full o' gold to not share. Too many insights into my soul straining to be released into cyberspace. It is my will, it shall be done.
Another year has started ... and so has another school semester. I am an active writer/ thought recorder, so I've decided to start a blog in an attempt to salvage my writing hand for note taking in class. Also, my friends and co-workers have been nagging me to get with the times and subject the online world to my bizarre psyche. Well, here goes nothing.
