Triggers

What is it about certain sensory triggers that can dig up a long buried memory at a moment's notice? For whatever random reason, I've been having that happen a lot lately ... or maybe I'm just noticing it more because I am currently dealing with a break-up and trying really hard to not acknowledge the triggers ... I'm not sure.

As some of you may know, I have an affinity/ borderline obsession for topical lip products. I specifically remember this one guava lip smacker gloss I used to have and applying it on the plane before flying out to San Diego when I was 12 years old. If I smelled it today, feelings of flight anxiety would immediately arise in my stomach, turning it into knots. Why? Because of a smell? Regardless of where I am or what I am doing, the moment I smell that guava gloss I can predict my internal reaction precisely. Damn sensory triggers ... I'm tellin' you. And it doesn't stop at just smell, it can be associated with anything.

It's the same situation right now, at this point in my life. I see one thing or hear another and the threads of time pull me backwards by my naval to a particular experience. Lately, it's been certain television shows or random commercials that allow these memories to run rampant. Episodes of 'How It's Made' ... I get anxious watching them because I start to think about his curious little face and how, of course, that would be his favorite show. Great, now how am I supposed to acquire information on how paper is recycled and bike helmets are made? Wiki that ish, I suppose. Or those disgusting 'double the beef' Taco Bell commercials, [insert hilarious, borderline inappropriate meat joke here]. Obnoxious, but I miss it.

It is getting better though ... as time without him in my life presses on. I'm breaking through my formerly non-permeable membrane, getting involved with the world on an entirely different level and most importantly, creating new sensory triggers. Ones that hopefully resurrect memories from 7 years ago, back when I didn't doubt myself, when I knew what I wanted and was so not that girl who let a man define her.

To quote my dear friend, 'I've gotta wash that man right outta my hair'. I just did, and can I say, what an amazing feeling it is that follows lather, rinse, repeat! Better yet, it's something I'll always be able to experience whenever I smell my coconut leave-in conditioner.

Maybe triggers aren't all that bad.