The Devil's Dictionary is based on newspaper articles written by journalist Ambrose Bierce and published in 1911. Originally entitled, The Cynic's Word Book, this notorious work was addressed to "enlightened souls who prefer dry wines to sweet, sense to sentiment, wit to humour and clean English to slang".
In other words, it was dedicated to me. A clear-headed, satire-loving enforcer of proper spelling and grammar with a disdain for chardonnay.
One of my goals this week is to use each of the following words and definitions at least once in casual conversation so I can feel ridiculously overqualified talking to anyone but myself.
Acquaintance - A person whom we know well enough to borrow from , but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.
Admiration - Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Backbite - To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.
Benevolence - Subscribing five dollars towards the relief of one's aged grandfather in the almshouse, and publishing it in the newspaper.
Bore - A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
History - An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.
Opportunity - A favourable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
Pessimism - A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.
Ponderous - British jokes.
Positive - Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Zeal - A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.
Indubitable! Cheers to being better than you idiots!
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