College Transcripts

As a college student, you spend thousands of dollars on your education. You slave away during late night study sessions, pouring over books on subjects you couldn't give two craps about. Your weight fluctuates from the stress, caffeine becomes a major food group, you can barely balance your social and scholastic lives. I've even cried in the corner of the library once. These years are some of the hardest you will live through! Screw Paramedical Microbiology. And you, Biomedical Basis of Chronic Diseases, you can suck it. I've decided to take a break and enroll myself in classes that I am not only interested in, but am guaranteed to get A+ ... just look at these educational prospects!

1. Arguing with Judge Judy: Popular Logic on TV Judge Shows - University of California, Berkeley. I don't think I can even begin to explain how much I love Judge Judy and People's Court. My roommate rolls her eyes every time she comes home and I'm talking to the TV like Judge Judy cares about my opinion. First of all, she doesn't take any of your crap. She is so condescending and of the old school mindset, I love it. Secondly, she scares me ... but in a good way?

2. Learning from YouTube - Pitzer College. A good portion of my life is spent on YouTube. I can't fathom what life would be like if I were to earn college credit for this ridiculous practice. It makes me way too excited. It's true though, you really can learn a lot from this gem of a website. Where else can you watch a grown man play a trombone with his toes?

3. The Art of Walking - Centre College. Seriously, I am such an awesome walker. I can even stroll, prance, strut, skip and shimmy. Easiest A ever.

4. Joy of Garbage - Santa Clara University. I think I would learn a lot from this class, which is something I usually look for when deciding what classes to take each semester. I feel like I have never really found joy in garbage, something Santa Clara University is out to change. I'm sure I'll be a better person after finding the joy. In fact, I know I will.

5. Zombies in Popular Media - Columbia College, Chicago. WHAT?! Where has this class been all of my life?! I'd probably have to change my career goals if I took this class and major in the history of zombie culture or popular zombie slaying techniques. This course would be Pandora's box for me, so maybe it's best I stay away.

6. The Science of Harry Potter - Frostburg State University. I. Am. Speechless. I already know this would be the best class of all time. My hands are shaking in anticipation right now and I'm ruing the day I didn't think to transfer to Frostburg State University! Arrrgh!

Next semester is going to be fabulous! 4.0, here I come!