Blech!

Prehistoric Bones of Sloth Found at East Village Site


Via San Diego Union Tribune — More prehistoric bones – this time, those of a giant sloth – have been found at the East Village construction site of the Thomas Jefferson School of Law ... the bones are in poor shape and may not be salvageable. The sloth bones were found at about the same depth as the whale bones, indicating the sloth lived about 600,000 years ago. Ironically there is a species of giant ground sloth that is named after the law school's namesake, Thomas Jefferson: Megalonyx jeffersonii.


This may just be my greatest nightmare. Confession: sloths freak me out. And this Megalonyx jeffersonii aka. Jefferson's Giant Claw aka. Ginormous Ground Sloth (which my friend just pointed out is bigger than a Smart Car!) is the epitome of revulsion for me. Why you ask? Well, there are a multitude of reasons, but for the sake of time and typing space, I'll only name the most personally prominent.


1. I do not appreciate their creepy eyes and 'smile'. I don't like that they look they are drugged 24-7, resulting in the outer corners of their eyes being pulled so far down they meet the corners of their disturbingly gleeful smile. They look about as sweet as a clown would, with those sappy eyes and fake grin ... right before it kills you. I don't trust 'em. You shouldn't either.

2. I do not appreciate their speed. Some might by frightened by things that move very quickly. I am nervously affected by the opposite - things that move way too slowly put me on edge. I feel like this is a trick. They move so slightly, that you kind of get bored with it's slothful nature and focus your attention on something else. Before you know it, 15 minutes has gone by and ... BLAM, it's right there next to you! "Hi, I'm here to murder you, slowly and with a smile!" Ahh!

3. I do not appreciate their limb-to-body ratio. Lanky things have a tendency to flail around, and with those prehistoric claw-toes, I'm not trusting it to be within a ten foot radius of me. I know it moves lethargically, but still. It's like a spider with how it's long, gross arms and legs protrude from it's tiny body. Do not want!

Thanks for the nightmares, Union Tribune! The only way I'm going to be able to sleep tonight is by imagining this grotesque creature in LOL captions.


Or this guy. Now, this is a Sloth I can get behind.