Let Fate Handle It

Ask anyone, I’m a great project. Make-overs, April Fools pranks … bring ‘em on. Lately, I've been being set up with potentially perfect-for-me guys by my friends, family, etc. The process always starts one of two ways: “What are you doing on (insert date/ time here)?” or “What do you look for in the perfect man?”. Describe the perfect man? Does ‘um’ count as a trait?

I honestly don’t know how to respond to that question. I’m that girl who sincerely does not have a specific type of male that appeals to her. I could tell you that I like brunettes, but my longest relationship to date involved a blond idiot. I could state that I like sensitive guys, but overly emotional men sometimes affect my gag reflex. See? I have no idea what I’m taking about, even if I’m talking about myself! I generally don’t like being pigeon-holed in any area of my life, but in this case I’d be glad to make an exception. At least then, I can release my matchmaker minions onto the poor, unsuspecting opposite sex with some vague idea of what to bring home to Mama.

How about a tall, dark, handsome paramedic, who is intelligent and loves to read, has hobbies that do not include passing the dutchie, unpretentiously gets my random references and thinks my retainer is just as hot as my Victoria’s Secret. Is that sufficient? Does that even exist? Because paramedics, though we have similar career interests, tend to be annoying jocks that were taught by their mothers to think way too highly of themselves. By that thought process alone, intelligence is probably out the door and that imaginary dreamboat no longer appeals to me. I am able blurt out adjectives I find attractive until I am blue in the face, but that long run-on sentence would still hardly encompass everything I consider my ideal companion to be.

This whole idea is further complicated by the fact that I don’t really care about physical characteristics. One could argue that physical attraction is what makes you fall for someone and without that initial, carnal, physiological magnetism it is not real or doesn’t matter. That, however, is exactly my point. The bottom line is - if I’m attracted, I’m attracted. The end. You could have stupid hair or different sized feet or consider Sarah Silverman a comedian … all things I say I dislike. I would still overlook these annoying traits if you enjoyed reading side by side in bed like old people or couldn't dance but did anyway or had cheeks so chompable I could hardly contain myself.

So, what do I look for in the 'perfect' man? It’s simple. The imperfections specific to him.