If You're Into Slummin' It

I love reading editorials about random, unique places I have yet to visit. My friend recently tipped me off to Yelp.com, but I also keep tabs on the Entertainment section of the Union Tribune. Today, I was surprised to see that someone actually took the time to highlight some of La Mesa's 'must visit' spots ... I was unaware La Mesa even had those.

Anyway, I was incredibly surprised to see what was actually featured in this article, because being a resident of La Mesa for longer than I care to mention, I can tell you that this person is RIDICULOUS. Like, laugh-out-loud ridiculous that they would actually suggest innocent, unsuspecting souls visit these places. This author has obviously never spent time in these establishments. True, La Mesa isn't the most exciting place in the world, but there are far better destinations to visit than these! If you have read this piece, pretend it is opposite day. I guarantee severe disappointment if you take this author's advice and visit these 'gems' of western most East County after dark.

Here are a few of his fantastic suggestions ...

The Falcon's Lure - "Never underestimate the power of Kelly-green carpet and faux Tudor walls to transport you to a beer nook deep in the Swiss Alps."

Transported to Switzerland? Um, are you for real? You can't even turn around in this place it's so tiny. Also, carpet in a bar? RIDICULOUS.

The Chico Club - "The game's called "shipwrecked in La Mesa" and -- depending on the day -- you're welcome to play as early as 6 a.m."

Though playing 'shipwrecked in La Mesa' might sound like a fun theme night, do not be fooled. The Chico Club looks like child molester central/ a dilapidated strip club and the only thing 'pirate-y' about it is the regulars quite possibly have eye patches and missing limbs. Maybe after a few drinks, you can end your 'shipwrecked' night at The Tubs, as it is just down the street. RIDICULOUS.

Mr. G's Tavern - "Distressed frat house den room meets backyard bar" sums up Mr. G's to a T."

How does anything in that description sound at all alluring? And yes, this place does look (and smell) like a frat house. It is perfect for coug-hunting and I'm sure no one would care if you vomited in the corner. Just make sure to take your shoes off (instant party foul!) if you decide to pass out on the craigslist leather couch. RIDICULOUS.

I am so embarrassed that everyone living outside of La Mesa is going to read this guy's article and honestly think we are proud about these places. Ick! Heed this advice, my little chickadees. These La Mesa landmarks are great ... if you're into slummin' it.