Little Things

Sometimes it's really hard to remember what counts. I've been extremely stressed out the past few days with balancing responsibilities of life, midterms to prepare for, thousands of sweets to bake for my friend's birthday ... I swear I haven't unclenched my jaw since mid-February. On top of everything, this morning I had the pleasure of standing in line at the San Diego Superior Court with some interesting El Cajon residents, due an administrative error I had absolutely nothing to do with. I honestly could not think of a better way to start the day (I hope you can detect my sarcasm here).

Needless to say, I drove to work around 10:30 am very disgruntled. "Urgh!", I thought, "My life sucks! Why am I always a common thread in ridiculous situations like this?!". Then I looked up and out of my window to see a homeless woman, begging. Gosh, I am seriously such a brat. Sometimes I feel like I need a swift kick in the ass to bring me back around to what is really important. Feeling sorry for myself because of a situation I have absolutely no control over ... what a waste! Why am I spending so much time scowling about it? Just roll with the punches, Autumn. Everything will work out somehow. You will get through your classes. No one cares that you burned an entire batch of birthday cupcakes. It will all be okay, I promise.

Which brings me to the little things in life that make it all worth it. After reprimanding myself for being such a complaining beast, I stopped at a coffee shop near my work. A dancing cappuccino was outside. I started laughing hysterically, something I desperately needed at that exact moment. What, I ask you, is more hilarious than a man dressed as an inanimate object flailing wildly around the sidewalk? Nothing! He barely missed clothes-lining an elderly woman coming out of the bank next door (that shouldn't make the situation funnier, but it does). There are plenty of things in this world that I experience on a regular basis that make me happy ... I need to show more gratitude for them. Like a cup of coffee, the paper and a morning full of possibilities. Like standing up to my parents and knowing they secretly respect me for doing so. Like diving into my bed made up with clean sheets or discovering other people's amusing blogs or getting off work early and doing absolutely nothing for once.

Embrace the little things, because after everything is said and done, they are the only things that really matter.

Slow Motion

I really love quick shutter photography, especially photos of bullets going through random objects. It looks so cool! I have some extra picture frames, I sort of want to start a collection of them.

Like, bullet-Golden-Delicious ...

Or bullet-Ace-of-Hearts ...

Or bullet-Crayola's-unsuccessful-shades ...

Or bullet-I'm-allergic-to-these?


Interesting idea for a theme wall, that's for sure.

It's Pimpin', Pimpin'

Tony, 1973 - I got 99 problems ...

Tony, 1975 - ... but a toof ain't one.

Photos courtesy of www.sexypeople-blog.com.

Choo! Choo!

I am a stressed out person. Always have been. I am constantly rewinding to-do lists in my head, figuring out how to stretch one paycheck until the next, trying to remember exactly what needs to be done and when, I feel guilty relaxing sometimes ... this overly-anxious nature is not necessary, but it's a part of my life nonetheless.

According to the professionals, stress is difficult to define because it is "a subjective sensation associated with varied symptoms that differ for each of us". Very true. Stress for one person could be revealed as distress and for another individual it could be interpreted as pleasure. Situations like riding a roller coaster causes fear and anxiety for some, but is seen as an adrenaline rush for others. Also, there is such a thing as good and bad stress. Situations where hard work and stress has paid off, like winning a race after practicing or doing well on an exam due to studying, is an example of the good stuff.

I believe I'm a classic example of "increased stress increases productivity", because I tend to work well (or at least get a lot done) under massive amounts of pressure. I just need to remind myself this title only holds true up to a certain individually-determined point, after which things start to roll rapidly downhill. People are fragile and resilient at the same time. Sometimes, I forget that and classify myself into only one of these categories. I imagine my mind like a rubber band. It's strong, it can hold many things together at once for long periods of time ... but add too much to that stack, the band begins to stretch beyond it's capacity and then before you know it ... SNAP!

Now, we shouldn't fear overexertion just because we are capable of snapping. Everyone needs to be able to find and manage the amount of stress that is right for them, test to see how far they can comfortably stretch their rubber band. The hard lesson I am learning (have been learning for years) is how to transform stress into something that will make me more productive and less self-destructive. I need to recognize my limits and listen when my body/ mind/ spirit is screaming for a break. Otherwise, I may be pushing daisies before I know it.

So, in the meantime, I'm working on it. Chuggin' along like The Little Engine That Could. I think I can, I know I can ...

When I Grow Up

I want to be an astronaut and explore the sky. I want to discover white dwarfs and new constellations. I want to confirm the existence of extraterrestrial beings and get way too close to the sun.

I want to be a healer and learn the ways of a shaman. I want to touch people on a spiritual level and connect on a different plane of reality. I want to feel like I am magic, if only for a little while.

I want to be an architect and build something that matters. I want to constitute a multifunctional piece of art someone can live inside. I want to create a structure that houses a family who loves each other.

I want to be a vigilante and slice through rain forest like a wild child with a machete. I want to carry dangerous weapons in a holster on my hip. I want my shadow to be rough around the edges and for others to fear the mere rumor of me.

I want to be a beauty queen and have a smile that lights up the room. I want to be perfect and proper and cut ribbon with giant scissors. I want to be judged on my outward appearance and wave in a parade, but not as a joke.

I want to be a secret and drift through life like a dream. I want to be invisible, know what you are thinking and spy on your daily activities. I want to be the only one who knows I even exist.

Unexpectations

I thought it was simple
that it was just fun
supposedly random, no need to run
Keep my attention
you've thrilled me again
these words flow so easy, out of my pen

Steal my doubt
if you're aware or not, that's okay
Break on through
I wouldn't mind, seeing you everyday

Just like a magnet
you drew me in
the most effortless, it's ever been
Time speeds on by
so quick and so crazy
I hope you can tell, you amaze me

Steal my doubt
if you're aware or not, that's okay
Break on through
I wouldn't mind, seeing you everyday

Eye of the storm
I'm caught inside
chaos excites me, I'm up for the ride
This air is electric
the future is near
unexpectations, I no longer fear.

Sneaky Check-outage

I do this. All the time. Does it make me weird?