Full Circle

My Mom and I have a complicated and sometimes strained relationship. It's been a lot of me apologizing for who I am and the decisions I make in my life. That, combined with a sense of failure from knowing I will never live up to or become what she wishes I would be, made the following email (sent randomly, completely out of the blue) all the more touching.

And by the way, did you know that you are so amazing? And I know that you will ask, "Where did that come from?", "What do you mean?", "Why are you saying that?" -- and I say, just believe me, I speak the truth.

I love you, Mom

P.S. Keep your head up, your nose clean, and your heart open to doing right and meeting the right eternal love. You're worth it.

I'm confused. I know that she loves me, but I am torn between believing this and keeping my guard up. I'm skeptical to believe that maybe our relationship has finally come full circle and she accepts me for who I am.

She is right, though. Where did that come from? What does she mean? Why is she saying that?

Yeah, Like That

It's like that one time
when I was small and my Mom asked me why
I didn't like hugs
I told her I didn't know
"You have a wall up", she said.

I was a kid with a wall up.
And I am, still.

It's like that one time
when I was big and you asked me why
I wouldn't let you in
I told you I didn't know
"You have a wall up", you said.

"Yeah, me and my wall", I thought, "we go way back".

Just like that one time. Yeah, like that.

Get The Look

I am in love with this blog right now! I've always been a hunter and gatherer of unique pieces for my home, so when I started reading (and anticipating) posts from Etsy's Get The Look, I became easily hooked! The array of styles and inspiration from this site are fabulous.

In each post, the home of a chosen one from the Etsy community is highlighted. Each room is photographed and there are links to suggested pieces sold on the website that mimic the style of the room.


For example, the photo above is from "Familial Legacies" - a story and style in one. Along with the photography and promotion of the room's vibe, the homeowner is also interviewed. I love reading about what inspired them in their decorating sense and how they became so skilled in rooting out the treasures that adorn their spaces.

If you are at all interested in personal stories about amazing design inspiration and style, I definitely recommend checking out Get The Look.

The Jury's Still Out

I always thought I was a great communicator, but you've put me to shame.
I wish I had a better response than my smile to all of your sweet words, but for whatever reason, I lose my voice around you.

You are attractive and your charisma is off the charts - and you know it.
I find that infuriating. Sometimes, I can't decide if I want to punch or kiss you.

You are funny and sexy and I feel like I've known you for a long time.
And, according to infinity, perhaps I have.

I'm sure you know that I like you. But that's all I'll say right now.
I won't give you the satisfaction of further explaination.
I'm not sure I have one anyway.

Idiot.

Time heals all wounds? No, time just allows all the bullshit to rise to the surface.
Don't be an idiot, go with your gut. Always. Just do it.

Inquire Within

Wanted: Significant other - previous employee unable to live up to job description.

Only those qualified and serious about this position need apply.

Desirable applicant must be:
- a male, preferably one who can kill bugs
- someone who loves music, but loves me more
- kind, sweet, genuine
- an animal (specifically cat) lover
- compassionate, understanding, accepting
- someone who values honesty ALWAYS
- witty, weird, silly, sarcastic
- someone who loves to learn
- exciting, whimsical, outrageous
- open-minded and not afraid to commit
- an equal, a counterpart, a companion
- someone real

Responsibilities include:
- getting off the sidelines
- taking action, not just saying you will
- leaving your ex-relationship counterpart(s)in the past
- having fun and being happy
- being fiercely passionate about something/anything/everything
- knowing yourself enough to know what you want

Qualifications:
- Must have at least 26 years life experience
- Be at least 5'7'' (not a requirement, but preferred)
- Previous relationship experience encouraged
- Must be able to lift at least 130 lbs. with ease
- Must already have own life before being considered for position
- Microsoft Office knowledge a plus

Location: San Diego, CA and surrounding areas.

Compensation: Me!

Now accepting applications. Position will open in the near future.

Please inquire within.

Overslept

As the light descends, I feel it
through wood-paned blinds
shadows make a fool of me
don't wake, don't wake
I don't want to have to think about you
don't wake, don't wake
I don't ever want to feel again
don't wake, don't wake.

As the night ascends, I feel it
stain my tear soaked sheets
that still hold your scent
don't wake, don't wake
I don't want to have to know about you
don't wake, don't wake
I don't ever want to try again
don't wake, don't wake.

I have no time to overthink
because all I do is oversleep.
How am I still so tired?

As my life transcends, I feel it
become a memory
of what used to be
won't make, won't make
any effort to forget about you
won't make, won't make
me ever feel alive again
won't make, won't make it out of here.